Showing posts from 2013

It was his turn !

We all get disappointed,  life is made of disappointments,  we don’t have any control over, but we definitely can control whether we want to be the disappointer or not, we always have the option here.
In my case, I knew I don’t want to do this, a deep voice inside of me kept screaming “NO, STOP”, but I wanted to try that out, I wanted to taste how it feels like, how it looks like to be there …  I admit, I was truly selfish. I only had one hope, one excuse to relay on, he can fix me, that he can magically make all of these solid ancient walls just vanish, and somehow, he could!
I wasn’t the one to get into a relationship, I stopped believing in them long time ago … I happened to believe that I’m strong, strong enough to do it my own, and for a while I was, I can say that I used to be.
Then the momentum was gone, I needed a hand, a shoulder to lean on, I needed a voice to lie on me saying that things will be fine, they will be okay, until I fall asleep.
And there he was, standing among the…

A message that a Pigeon lost ..

Hello there,
Hope you are alright ..
I know you are alright ..
You have always been so strong,
I know you can get over this ..Then why don’t you ?? I don’t want to ask anyone about you ..
I won’t ask them how is he doing today ??I don't need their answers ..
Because they don’t know you like I do ..
Why are you letting them say all these negative talks about you .. ?
You can scream on them

Scream, and make their world shudder ..SHOUT OUT LOUD .. Like you always do ..  !!
I know you are getting back ..
You simply can’t give up,You never did,You never were a sensitive person,Never needed peoples sympathies ..So why now ?
Why surrendering now ?

How can they say you are in danger ??
YOU ? the lion king ? the king of jungles ??
How come and you were the only one to help us getting out of serious situations ?
You were the only one who have answers to every question,
Why can’t you get yourself out of this ??
I don’t understand !!!

I can feel that you are cold ..
Very cold ..
And lonely …

غير لون عيونك

صاروا شهرين و كم يوم  انا و ياااك  ما عم نقدر نوصل على ولا شى  بعرف انه صار لازم إنساااك بس ، لون عيونك بيذكرنى فيك
غير لون عيونك خبارك، حكيك و جنونك بحة صوتك بتذكرنى فيك ... غير لون عيونك خبارك، حكيك و جنونك بركى بنسى انو افكر فيك
كل ما بتذكر قصتنا  انا وياااك بفكر دايما حالى انى نسيت برجع بتذكر هاك الاياام و بذكر وقتها انو انا ما قسيت

غير لون عيونك خبارك، حكيك و جنونك بحة صوتك بتذكرنى فيك ... غير لون عيونك خبارك، حكيك و جنونك بركى بنسى انو افكر فيك

شـايفـاك !

بين هلوسات النوم الخفيف
و الحمى، و الجرح العميق
وحكاوى قاعدة بتتحكى
تخطف روحى فى لحظة شهيق
كلمات و ناس لافين على
شايفاك سراب اَخر الطريق 

راجياك عشان ابدا اعيش 
أشوف باكر لونو كيف
راجياك فى طرف الزقاق
زى زرع راجى الخريف
جواى أمل زى السحاب
و شايفاك حوالى طيف

حاولت أنسى و ما قدرت
حاولت أمشى .. و ما مشيت
حاولت أعمل رايحة منك
لقيتنى لفيت و تانى جيت
غلبتنى دنيا ما فيها انت
وعدتك انسى .. و ما نسيت

رجيناك .. أنا و الصبر
راجينك باكر تعود
 راجينك لو اَخر يوم فى العمر
سألنك ما تمشى و تفوت
بيك يضحك لينا القدر 
بيك كل الأحزان تموت

Before You Leave ...

Dedicated to you ..
One last time !

One Step in Between ...

I backed up a little .. !

Before I take my first step in ..
Before I slowly tilt the door knob open ..
Before I even take a quick glance inside ..
I just decided to peacefully back up!

I know I promised you to give it a try ..
I promised you to see how it feels like to be there ..
How it feels like to inhale the fragrance of happiness ..
And exhale the poisoning remaining of previous disappointments ..
I know we had a deal ..
And I cowardly broke it!

I could feel your teary gaze on my back ..
I could barely hear your fading voice call my name , asking me to wait ..
I could sense your hands reaching out to grasp my empty bags ..
and what can someone approaching death pack from life ??
I preferred to walk away silently .. avoiding any explanation ..
And how can I explain something I barely knew ??

And I left ..
Like all the times ..
Like I used to ..
When things aren't going my way ..
Or when I feel they wouldn't go my way ..
When I'm on the edge of loosing ..
When My …
كنت أعتقد أننا لايمكنْ أن نكتب عَن حَياتنا إلا عندما نشفى منها ..
عندما يمكنْ أن نلمس جراحنا القديمة بقلم دون أن نتألـمْ مرة أخرى ..
عندما نقدر على النَظر خلفنا دون حنين , دون جنونْ , ودون حقد أيضاً ..
أيمكنْ هَذا حقاً .. !
نحنُ لانشفى من ذاكرتنا ..
ولهذا نحن نكتب..
ولهذا نحن نرسم
ولهذا يموت بعضنا أيضاً

أحلام مستغنامى

بلا قيود

الحرية مـؤلـمـة  !!

نـعـم ..

إننا نحارب من أجل حريتنا، نطالب بحقوقنا، نريد أن نكون المالكين الوحيدين لأنفسنا، نفتعل الأخطاء عمداً،

نكسر القواعد، إن الممنوع مرغوب فقط لنثبت لأنفسنا أولاً، ثم للعالم، بأننا نستطيع ..

نعم، نحن أحرار !!

و من فرط تصديقنا للكذبة التى إبتدعناها، نكاد ننسى .. ان الحرية مؤلمة !!

لا شىء أسوأ من قرارات مصيرية نتخذها وحدنا، و نبقى ما تبقى من عمرنا إما نأكل أصابع الندم أو نذبل فى عتمة إنتظار نتائجها، التى قد لا تجىء أبداً.

لا نتحمل أن تغلق علينا أبواب سجن، و لو كان قصراً من الذهب و الجواهر تحفه الحسان من كل ناحية، فكم من امير عثمانى ساقه قدره لأن يقضى أجله بين حوائط من الرخام و الترف الباذخ فقط لأنه لم يكن محظوظاً بما يكفى ليكون الإبن البكر، و قلة ممن حالفهم الحظ بموت أشقائهم الجاليسن على العرش و تتويجهم ملوكاً بعدهم، بعد أن أذهب الحجز بعقولهم و سيطر عليهم حب الإنتقام من سجانيهم بإقامة المذابح الجماعية، و لم ينسوا خليلات الوحدة فكان أن قضوا عليهن أولاً.

أليس من الغريب أن نرفض الذل و الأوامر من أى كان، و نرضى لأنفسنا إستعباد شخص واحد يسن علينا قوانينه و طرقه المعوجة بكل ما …

Heidi Newfield - Johnny And June


Different ?!!

Back again,
They say I'm different.. And to them, I might be different. . I look different,  I dress different,  I walk different,   I eat different and I even think different .. !!
But to me,  even though I feel I'm changed,   a little bit of change,  but as long as you are still in the same place Where you are capturing my heart and busying my mind,  Where I still beg for relief,   Beg for mercy,  Then I cannot say but everything is the same .. !!
And although I sometimes feel like I'm fed up from all of these,  I'm even fed up from your usual existences while you are not actually there,  But still,   I want you to remain this way,  I don't mind the routine of your memory ..
It's the only thing I have left from you, I rather cry you daily than being alone one night without you.. !!

Different is being called ugly,
When you're surrounded by fake beauty..
Different is being called a freak,
When you're around people infected with sameness..
Different is when y…

A Broken Soundtrack

Lately,  I've been impatient, counting every second in every hour every day.  Lately, I've been in a phase of disappointment,  where nothing matters .. nothing.   Lately, I Woke up from a dream that I was not dreaming,  to face a world that I don't believe in.  I've lost the reason why I'm here, and I'm so tired of searching.  I've got fed up of sleeping if waking up meant being in the same cycle, with no return.
And lately,  I've lost faith, lost faith in everything .. and everyone,  including myself.  I realized it takes more than me to get what I need, its over my power to make myself happy .. as I thought I can.  
Lately,  I discovered not only that I was mistaken in every choice I made and I regret them all, but also that I only chose them because I had the option .. and ever since, I hated having the option. 
Lately, living in the same routine cycle made me realize that I don't want to go back,  and I'm scared of what is coming because I d…

Again !

Just like that,
After all of this time,
After all of these rules,
After all of the resistance,
The fights,
It's happening again .. !!

I loved again,
I'm crying again,
I feel pain again,
I don't know when or how,
But I knew when it was over,
I felt my heart break once again,
I've been fooled one more time,
After I thought I wont,
After I stopped believing,
After I stopped dreaming,
After I stopped breathing,
It's happening again .. !!

I made someone special .. Again,
Another man ruled in my life,
Again ..
And I agreed to be postponed,
To be the one on his waiting list,
And I don't even have a list,
And his list kept going bigger and bigger ..
Longer and longer ..
With me going farther and farther,
Again and again .. !!

I feel sick ..
My legs can barely hold me,
But I've got to stand up,
Even higher than before,
I have to fake that I'm alive,
Alive without a soul,
I've to face the world
One more time .. Again ..!!

I hate myself,
I hate him more,
I hate crying under the shower,

عـشـان تـكـون أحـسـن


Broken Promises !

“If we can have different lives, with other chances, he would be my choice, for eternity”. That’s what I’ve been saying every time my heart ached for him, every time I felt regret. Maybe it’s just an excuse for me, but anyway it made me feel better at that time. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, or even posting it on my blog, I just needed to share.  He’s been my secret for a long time now, although few people knew the story, but no one ever knew it all. I wish if one day he could be something more than few words I scratch on my desk, or few letters in my passwords. But, nothing ever comes the way we want. He isn’t the best or the most handsome guy ever, but for me, and for everyone in my college, he is. He was my ideal version of men, and to be honest, everyone I ever knew after him, is someway a copy from him, but somehow a better copy that my parents would accept. He suddenly crashed into my life. I never knew him, but he knew me very well. I still remember the first time we b…

Between Me & Myself (2)

The sad violin plays my favorite heart break ..
Bringing old memories of unfinished smiles ..
Memories that I cannot take ..
Back to that fatal journey .. To his deep eyes ..
And I remember his paintings of happiness ..
I know my words are not on his mind ..
I'm not his favorite kind ..

Between Me & Myself ..

I knew I will never change .. But I wanted him to stay .. I knew that my loneliness surroundings scared him .. I was the one who created that space between us .. Asking him to keep it .. But, Between Me and Myself .. I was hoping that he break it .. Setting my heart free .. Instead he enlarged it .. Locking me in even more !!
I've always wished if he could see the old me .. Wondering if she will get his attention .. Just a desperate try .. But, Between Me and Myself, I'm relieved that he didn't .. Accepting his rejection to the real me would be harder, Than it is to another trial !!
I've always hated to sit by the phone waiting .. And it never rang .. I've always hated to say goodb…

Between Me & Myself (1)

I've always loved dark clouds ..
Cold stormy weathers ..
And empty towns ..
Between Me and Myself,
You made me curious about rainbows ..
And how it feels like to be in a summer festival ..
Or wear colorful hopes over my soul .. !!

I've always been a silent person .. Found company in myself ..  And enjoyed being alone .. Loneliness makes your tears taste saltier .. And your sins seem deadly .. But, Between Me and Myself, I started to find company in you .. Like I'm alone ..  But better alone .. Like I'm having a discussion with a better me And I enjoyed the "Better me" talks .. !!
I've always been impatient .. But you turned me to a waiter .. I've always been a day dreamer .. And you made me wake up .. To turn my day to dreams .. But, Between me and myself, You were my only dream, That actually came true ,, .. !!

Ms. Wrong VS Ms. Right

Everyone was wondering,
How can 2 people with the same blood, Same flesh, Living in the same house, 2 who never ever separate, How can they be so much different, So much opposite ?!
How can we always be together, When she is Ms. Wrong And as far as they think, I'm Ms. Right ?
They always asked me to talk her out of troubles, To guide her way, To tell her make me your role model, And least they knew, She was the one I used to look up to !
I was so astonished by her boldness,  She always break rules, Break windows, Break hearts, Break promises, But, She always get what she wants,  Eventually !
She knew how to deal with everything, With everyone, I always envied her luck, Always she knows how to get herself out of trouble, And gets me out of it too, Yeah believe, Mrs. Wrong gets Mrs. Right out of her terrible mistakes, Over and over again !
Who said I'm Ms. Right ? Who said I don't do anything wrong ? In fact,  I don't do anything if its not wrong !
I failed every little test life gave me, When she -of cours…

With Heathcliff's Ghost !

“I have to remind myself to breathe -- almost to remind my heart to beat!”

“It is hard to forgive, and to look at those eyes, and feel those wasted hands,' he answered. 'Kiss me again; and don’t let me see your eyes! I forgive what you have done to me. I love my murderer—but yours! How can I?” 

“May you not rest as long as I am living. You said I killed you--haunt me then. The murdered do haunt their murderers. I believe--I know that ghosts have wandered the earth. Be with me always--take any form--drive me mad. Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!”

“I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is or should be an existence of yours beyond you. What were the use of my creation, if I were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great tho…