One Step in Between ...

I backed up a little .. !

Before I take my first step in ..
Before I slowly tilt the door knob open ..
Before I even take a quick glance inside ..
I just decided to peacefully back up!

I know I promised you to give it a try ..
I promised you to see how it feels like to be there ..
How it feels like to inhale the fragrance of happiness ..
And exhale the poisoning remaining of previous disappointments ..
I know we had a deal ..
And I cowardly broke it!

I could feel your teary gaze on my back ..
I could barely hear your fading voice call my name , asking me to wait ..
I could sense your hands reaching out to grasp my empty bags ..
and what can someone approaching death pack from life ??
I preferred to walk away silently .. avoiding any explanation ..
And how can I explain something I barely knew ??

And I left ..
Like all the times ..
Like I used to ..
When things aren't going my way ..
Or when I feel they wouldn't go my way ..
When I'm on the edge of loosing ..
When My sorrows almost win me ..
When my tears start to hunt the ones I love ..
And when my tangling mind starts to revolve around them,
Involving them in my own ever lasting battles of disappointment ..

I just left ..
To save the last unspoken word to be said ..
To save your precious tear from falling ..
To save you from the complexity of saying goodbye ..
From forcing your virgin heart to take more than it could ..
And how long will it take being hung over the edge ??

I walked away ..
Without looking back ..
Urging my heart not to break ..
Begging my soul to be strong and heal fast ..
Pleading to my mind to erase you from my memory ..
Hoping time will fly me away ..!

I have so much pain to adapt to ..
I know exactly how hard the battle I got myself in ..
And I know I have to fight it alone, and win ..
Like I used to .. !

Even though it was so inviting to take a peek in ..
I proudly walked away ..
Leaving a piece of me on the floor ..
Between your footsteps ..
And around that door ..
Even though I didn't get in ..
But I sensed how deadly trying was ..
I smelled blood ..
I dreamed of my broken heart pieces scattered everywhere ..
And my danger alarm was on !!

I won't lie and say I will regret this ..
Because I never regret any decision I take ..
I've been there before ..
I know what I'm about to face ..
But believe me baby,
Loosing everything with my dignity cap on is considered a successful deal ..
And with you, seeing how it was going to be,
I wasn't sure of my cap ability to face your changing wind ..
After getting out of a tornado ..
We can not risk loosing the last piece of cloth we have on ..
Even if it was just a cap.
And even if it was for just a summer breeze.


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