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Sleepless .. anxious .. scared ..
Last night, it happened again!
Counting stars ..
Nightmares haunting me .. or were they a reality ??




Overpowered by my dark thoughts ..
Synced with fears .. Aligned with my loneliness .. And rooted with his tears.

Waking up to an empty place .. Where no one knows me .. Lonely .. Nurturing on a memory .. Losing sense of time .. Unaware how far to go.

Secrets ? Feel like slowly dying .. Letting it wash me over .. Unsteady on my own feet .. Revealing my heart's mystery ..


Breathing .. Inhaling and forgetting to exhale .. My blood is freezing ..
Healing ? It’s a bit terrifying .. Could replace pain instantly.


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Where would we be without tomorrows? What we’d have instead are todays. And if that was the case, with you, I’d hope for the longest day for today.  I’d fill today with you, doing everything I’ve ever loved. I’d laugh, I’d talk, I’d listen and learn, I’d love, I’d love, I’d love. I’d make every day today and spend them all with you,

and I’d never worry about tomorrow, when I wouldn’t be with you. And when that dreaded tomorrow comes for us, please know that I didn’t want to leave you, or be left behind... that every single moment spent with you were the best times in my life.
Cecelia Ahern, How to Fall in Love


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I know I have promised you to never say this, Actually, I promised you to never even feel it, Or feel the need to say it ..
But now, After all I've been through .. I just can't, I can't hold it in anymore ..
I miss you .. !!
My mornings miss you the most ..
My morning hibiscus tea miss you too .. The tea lady .. or as you call her "Mama tea" ..
Our corner, Our tree, The small benches,
The street, and our whole neighborhood ..
They all miss you ..
They all miss us, And I do too .. !!
March. 2015



Notes for a Lady !

Dear lady,
Just for the record,  while you are waiting for him to recognize your existence in his life by simply doing any sort of contact with you whenever he has any spare time to give, please note that he is actually dedicating his full time to another woman.
Dear another woman, while you are enjoying his full attention and bragging to your friends how he can’t stop pouring himself on you, please note that he’s actually ditching another woman he carelessly replaced by you, a woman who -not so long ago- enjoyed the same privileges you have now. 
When he allows you to take a step closer to his world, only then you will start seeing things differently. Will get to see him differently. He’s no longer that man who clings to his phone whispering love words to you, when only you and none else is around. You will get to see him interacting with the world, making decisions, behaving as a human being, and only then, you can say you know a man well.

Always be the one who says “Will Be Right Back”…

زيك

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عارف ؟؟ .. أنا برضي ماشة .. و قريب كمان .. زيك ، لكني ما زيك .. !
إستعدادي هادىء ما عنده صوت .. بدون وداع .. ودموع و بدون ووعود .. برااحة براحة .. بلملم حاجاتي .. و بستف فيها .. زيك .. لكني برضي ما زيك !
شنطي ما مليتها هدوم ، و عطور وورق .. أبداً .. مع إنه حاجاتك كتيرة .. بس، أنا شنطي أكبر، و أتقل .. !!

A place called here !

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Starts with a smile, And ends with a goodbye hand shake ! Usually, It goes like this ! He says he’s leaving .. Leaving soon, Leaving the place where I belong, Leaving  here ..
Happily, excitedly, packing, To leave here for good, Forgetting that “here” includes me as well ... !!!
He’s planning, A plan for 1, I don’t fit in his plans .. Not in his future .. I wished him luck .. I crossed my fingers for his dreams to come true .. Seeing those teeth behind his sunshine smile worth a lot, Means so much, I'm ready to sacrifice everything to see it,  Even seeing his face every morning .. !!!
But, it just stroke me that, Perhaps, perhaps,  His dreams can't stretch to contain 2 ..
I told him to fly, High .. and high .. Go fulfill your heart .. Go show them what you’re capable of .. And me, I’ll always cover your back .. I’ll support you, From here .. From this very place that pushed you away, The place that kicked you out, From a place .. Called here !!!!

Red Flags !

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Something is happening .. I can feel it I feel strange, I feel weird .. Heart pumping so fast, A 24 hours wide smile .. I started listening to songs I never imagined liking .. And most of all, I AM HAPPY ! I started to look forward for tomorrow, And many tomorrows to come .. My whole Climate is changed, And it keeps on changing,
Day after day .. For no reason, or maybe there’s some .. I can’t tell .. It’s just happening Happening so fast that I stopped counting, I stopped wondering and thinking, I’m just letting it happen .. Despite all the warnings, The voices in my head that telling me to stop.. I just ignore, I paint all those red flags with different colours, And decide to take the risk, to enjoy it as long as it’s here As long as he’s here .. !!!
I started to wait by the phone, I wait .. and wait, Then my heart skips a beat, once I see his name on my screen .. then, no matter what plans I have, no matter who I’m with… Everything can wait, could be pushed aside .. Because, for a short while, For a limited time…