The ... PrinCesS ... Of ... ForesTs ... !!!

Every Memory iS a SiGn ..... ThaT DefeniTly Once U Were Mine ... I'll Carry U iN My HearT and HolD U iN My MinD, Where U Can Be SaFe ... AwaY From PeoPle's OpiniOns, and WhaT's WronG and WhaT's RiGhT, AwaY From The No0ns Sun RaYs, and The ColD Of The NiGhT, AwaY From ChilDreN's FinGer PrinTs, and PeoPle eYes SiGhT ........ !!!!!!!!

Friday, December 19, 2014

زيك


عارف ؟؟ ..
أنا برضي ماشة ..
و قريب كمان ..
زيك ،
لكني ما زيك .. !

إستعدادي هادىء ما عنده صوت ..
بدون وداع .. ودموع
و بدون ووعود ..
برااحة براحة ..
بلملم حاجاتي ..
و بستف فيها ..
زيك ..
لكني برضي ما زيك !

شنطي ما مليتها هدوم ،
و عطور وورق ..
أبداً ..
مع إنه حاجاتك كتيرة ..
بس،
أنا شنطي أكبر،
و أتقل .. !!

ما تستغرب ..
وأسألني ليه !
لأنها فيها كل الحاجات الإنت حتخليها وراك ..
أيوه .. كل الحاجات الما هاماك ..
حأشيلها معاي ..
كل الأحاسيس الحلوة،
و الأيام ..
كل الذكريات البيناتنا ..
و الأحلام ..
أيوه ! كل الهتش و الكرور دا ..
حأشيله معاي .. !!
و حأمشي ..
زيك ،
لكني برضي ما زيك .. !!

حأشيل معاي قصصنا،
و كل الكلام ..
كل كلامنا عن بكرا ،
و بكرا تفتكر جاي ؟
غايتو ،
كان جا ولا ما جا ..
برضو حأشيلو معاي .. !!

هي! و قربت أنسى ..
الوعود .. !!
حتى لما وعدتني بأنك حتعود ..
ما مشكلة لو نسيتها ..
حأشيل معاي كل الورود !
و أسماء أولادنا ..
وبيتنا الكبير ..
كل أماني الفرح ..
و أيام زمان ..
شفت !
مش قلت ليك حاجاتي أكتر من حاجاتك ؟؟!

و طبعاً بما إنك ما حتفقده،
برضو حأشيل حبي ليك ..
حاكرفسه و أطبقه ،
و أكتب عليه "كان قابل للكسر" ..
أكيد حأدفع فيه وزن إضافي ..
بس ما مشكلة ..
برضي ما حأخليه وراي !

و عارف في ركن شنطتي هناااك في شنو ؟
أيوه في الركن داك ..
كدى عاين كويس ..
أها .. دى ضحكتك ..
معقولة فاكرني حأخليها وراي ؟
طيب عارف حأرسم عيونك وين ؟
طبعاً غلبك الجواب ..
حأرسمها هناااك فوووق ،
جوه السحاب ..
تديني دافع أمل كل ما يطول الغياب ..
و كل ما أتذكرك ..
و أقول أجيك ..
و فجأة تصدمني حقيقة إنك مشيت ..
و إني كمان برضي مشيت ..

عارف إني ماشة بعيد ؟؟
زيك ..
لكني برضى ما زيك ..
ماشة بعيد وأنا في مكاني ..
أصلي ما حأغير عنواني ..
حأفضل أنا ..
بس ما زي ما أنا ..

زيك ..

لكني ما زيك !!

Thursday, December 11, 2014

A place called here !


Starts with a smile,
And ends with a goodbye hand shake !
Usually,
It goes like this !
He says he’s leaving ..
Leaving soon,
Leaving the place where I belong,
Leaving  here ..

Happily, excitedly, packing,
To leave here for good,
Forgetting that “here” includes me as well ... !!!

He’s planning,
A plan for 1,
I don’t fit in his plans ..
Not in his future ..
I wished him luck ..
I crossed my fingers for his dreams to come true ..
Seeing those teeth behind his sunshine smile worth a lot,
Means so much,
I'm ready to sacrifice everything to see it, 
Even seeing his face every morning .. !!!

But, it just stroke me that,
Perhaps, perhaps, 
His dreams can't stretch to contain 2 ..

I told him to fly,
High .. and high ..
Go fulfill your heart ..
Go show them what you’re capable of ..
And me,
I’ll always cover your back ..
I’ll support you,
From here ..
From this very place that pushed you away,
The place that kicked you out,
From a place ..
Called here !!!!


Red Flags !

Something is happening ..
I can feel it
I feel strange, I feel weird ..
Heart pumping so fast,
A 24 hours wide smile ..
I started listening to songs I never imagined liking ..
And most of all,
I AM HAPPY !
I started to look forward for tomorrow,
And many tomorrows to come ..
My whole Climate is changed,
And it keeps on changing,

Day after day ..
For no reason, or maybe there’s some ..
I can’t tell ..
It’s just happening
Happening so fast that I stopped counting,
I stopped wondering and thinking,
I’m just letting it happen ..
Despite all the warnings,
The voices in my head that telling me to stop..
I just ignore,
I paint all those red flags with different colours,
And decide to take the risk,
to enjoy it as long as it’s here
As long as he’s here .. !!!

I started to wait by the phone,
I wait .. and wait,
Then my heart skips a beat,
once I see his name on my screen ..
then, no matter what plans I have, no matter who I’m with…
Everything can wait, could be pushed aside ..
Because, for a short while,
For a limited time that I know will soon reach an end,
Those precious little short moments of mine,
are fully dedicated to him .. only him .. :!:

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Horoscope

It’s the day of mini smiles that warm your heart
It’s the day of sweet compliments that make your day counts ..
It’s the day when everything makes you grateful, for your own existence ..
And theirs ..

When you look around, reviewing, and all you can see is your life opening up
Opening so many doors ..
But, with life remaining busy and so many other distractions you have to deal with ..
You realize, this will never be through ..
In fact, everything has just started ..

Don’t let the temptations drag you their way ..
Don’t go floating alone, away from what really matters ..
and who really matters …
Their time is now !
Soon, you’ll realize the power of “We”..
When “Our” is dragged between “His” and “Mine” ..
Time won’t be your precious property anymore ..
When your all valuable moments should be –happily- awarded to them ..
You’re so full of enthusiasm, happiness ..
Your smile will almost tear up your face …
But, you don’t care ..
You’ve made it halfway –successfully- alone ..
You believe in yourself,
You know you can do the other remaining half too..
And even better ..
But, don’t let your ego fool you ..
Would you enjoy celebrating your success alone too ?
They won’t be around to clap along ..


Believe in the impossible !
Matters of the heart need your support ..
You can’t stop thinking of how hard it will be to hide behind your excuses,
Your expectations will feel more like wishful thinking.

Find Balance !
Find a balance between work and play ..
Between your personal and relationship needs..
Between your needs and everyone else's needs as well..

Be Confident !
You should be ready for what comes next ..
With the love gods declaring that this is just a stepping stone for something much bigger ..
While your biggest and most empowering romantic chapter in 3 decades won't kick off until Christmas Eve

Get a sense of what's possible !

And,
Twitter along with your Squadron !


Thursday, October 9, 2014

و لو من بعد حين


كوب قهوة،
هاتف ورقم ..
ذكرى وقلم ..
ليل حالك ونجوم خبأها الألم..

ضفائر شعر سودانية..
سجاد ، ووسائد مرمية..
و مسحة غبار منسية..

 نصف قلب ،
و دقائق عابرة ..
لقاء نيلان ،
و دخان سيجارة مطفية ..
ورود ذابلة ،
و جريدة مطوية ..

و فى وسط كل هذا
تحلم هي ..
ليست حزينة
و قطعاً ، ليست وحيدة
فقط ينقصها هو ... !!!

قمرها ساطع ،
و لكن تحجبه سحب ..
صدى الهدوء يكاد يصيبها بالجنون ..
لا يهم اين الجميع ،
المهم أنهم ذهبوا ..

كل ما لديها علبة كبريت صغيرة ..
بها قليل من الذكرى ،
و الكبرياء ..

خربشات على جدران غرفتها
بلغات غير مفهومة ..
رسومات و دموع ..

لا يمكن التعود على شيء
فالكل ما يلبث أن يتغير ..
حتى الحجارة تتكسر ..
و الأضواء يخف بريقها ..
و يذهب هو .. !!

و عود و أعذار ..
كل شئ لديها مؤجل ،
و هي تختار ..
حياة في قائمة الإنتظار ..

أثاث من خشب ،
و بيت من طين ..
نيل ،
و صغار نجوم تائهين ..
 باب موارب ،
طرقه الحنين ..
و خصلات من الشيب ،
تغطي الجبين ..


حتماً سيعود ،
و لو من بعد حين .. 

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

To Jack ...

Dear Jack,

I know I’ve been away for a while, a long while actually, and I’m sorry for that. I guess you are wondering where I am, or what I’ve been doing, or maybe you don’t. I’m writing to tell you that I’m fine and I’ve missed you a big time, I missed everything about you, your hazel eyes and your throaty voice.

I’ve been somewhere far, somewhere where none can actually be, I needed to be alone, I needed to see no one, including your sweet face. I had to think, to explore, to plan and to decide without someone beside me telling me how to do things and what’s best for me, and I believe I succeeded, I succeeded greatly. Only after I came back that I discovered I’ve made a huge mistake; staying alone and away for such a long time, everything was changed, everyone is different, or maybe I’m the one that changed ! 

I can hardly recognize anyone around me, including myself. My life has changed, my friends and dear close people too, they started to seem more selfish, greedy, shallower and glassy eyed. I miss my old life, my old people and my old self,

and ...

I MISS YOU.

To Jack, With Love !


“ Dear Jack,

I’ve been sitting here thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for, all the pain we caused each other, everything I put on you, everything I needed you to be or needed you to say, I’m sorry for that. 
 
I’ll always love you ‘cause we grew up together and you helped make me who I am.
I just wanted you to know there will be a piece of you in me always, and I’m grateful for that.
Whatever someone you become, and wherever you are in the world, I’m sending you love.

You are my friend to the end.
Love,
Rose”

(Send)

Sunday, August 31, 2014

~ The One ~

We all want a soulmate. “The One.”

Your perfect partner who can read your mind and finish your sentences. 
We want fate and fireworks. 

But believing in predetermined destiny is limiting. 
It leaves little room for adventure and what life may want to give you. 
What if The One isn’t who you thought they would be?

Love isn’t always syrupy sweet kisses and walking off into the sunset. 
Sometimes the purpose of a soul mate is to tear down your walls, shake you awake, and reveal new parts of yourself.

They become a mirror that exposes new dimensions of you, parts that you may relish in or shrink from. 
Soul mates give you the opportunity to notice personal obstacles.  
And then actually do something about them.

They can force you to your own leading edge. 
To grow. 
Expand. 
Develop.

But all that emotional fever does not guarantee that they are your life partner. 
Often riveting romances grip us in their clutch just to introduce the prospect of ruthless awareness. Introspection. 
They make us so loony and out of control that we have to evolve and transform.

Sometimes it’s their job to break your heart open. 

And then leave.

I’m convinced that our cultural understanding of soul mates and “The One” are small, limiting incomplete.

Lacking breath and depth. 

We don’t give “soul mates” enough credit for their potential emotional upheaval and transformative waves. Soul mates are not necessarily forever. Sometimes they come into our lives just to introduce us to a demon we need to beat. And then they leave. 

And we must muster up the courage to let them go.  
Because they were never supposed to stay.  
Realize that they were the messenger and now we are left with the task of growing and evolving. 

And “The One?” Doesn’t that sound a bit fairy tale-ish? 
I’m not intimating that you’re not allowed strong ideas around what you want in a relationship, but the rigidity of a romance complete with zero confrontation or compromise and a partner who is an ideal height, weight, eye color and  “always” gets you the perfect anniversary present? 

Well, it is, perhaps, a bit unrealistic. And leaves little room for variety.

Maybe your otherwise perfect partner will always leave the wet laundry in the washer until you find it.

Maybe they like Italian food when you want sushi.

Maybe they’re THE worst gift giver and you always have to return what they buy you.

Maybe they’re not who your mother/father/co-workers/friends think you would have chosen. 
Does this make them not The One?

The One is “The One” because you say so.

 It’s the partner you declare THE one and only.  
The partner who, in your own way, you love like they are “The One.”

So don’t discount that amazing person because of their height. 
Or because you can’t complete each other’s sentences. 
Or because you occasionally argue. 
And don’t cling to a soulmate who’s served their purpose of opening you up and breaking you free.

You get to choose your own One.


Who you love is up to you.

Memories of a Smile :)



Flash back (~1~)

Me aged 5, freshly showered and fully dressed into my evening gown, those elegant but homey cloths we usually wear during the evenings, hair perfectly done, homework done, jumping up and down, up and down on the stairs, ignoring my mother's warnings and advice to be careful, excitement overpowering my joy, I was so happy that I could fly, let alone jump   .... IT'S PLAY TIME!

Ignoring all the fuss, screams and tears in the background, didn't drag my attention the amount of tension and worries floating in the air, my grandmother tears, my cousins panic and my uncles angry screams, all I cared about was that here's my cousins all gathered here and perfectly dressed, they don't have any excuse but to PLAY!
Approaching my elder cousin with a very wide and bright smile "Yasmeen, let's play".

Although I could never forget the look in her eyes, but still, up till now I couldn't understand or explain it, very glassy, very pained, very scared and very broken, yet, she managed a smile, and as I smiled back, her words showed me that her smile wasn't because she's happy, on that day I learned unhappy people can smile too!

"Play ?! How can we play when mum isn't home ?!"

Silence !

Very short silence, as I broke it quickly : "Well, then let's only play hide and seek"


Flash back (~2~)


As the inner doors flee open strongly and suddenly, a crying woman dragging her suitcase into our big house yard, and before she reached the front door, a man reached out to grab her by the arm, devastated from the inside, hurt and maybe scared, his dignity stopping him from begging her to stay, he decided to use force instead.

Between her shredded cloth and painful tears, his muscles and screams, 2 short, skinny and trembling legs were making their way upstairs, to where we were silently observing that scene.

He smiled, a very wide smile with some front row teeth missing, and just stood there, silently, just smiling. 

And I learned that day that there's too much to tell out of a simple beautiful smile, too much but only happiness is excluded.





Saturday, August 23, 2014

Fate !

Sometimes, you just open your eyes and look around you …
Silently,
Everything has changed,
People have grown older,
And uglier,
Their souls began to shrink,
And their hearts are full of wrinkles …
No one is the same anymore...
Or is it you the one who’s changed...
Or maybe nothing’s ever changed, but your blind has just been unfolded … !!!

You look around again,
This time only around yourself,
Rereading your signs... your words,
Your very own empty words,
That you've charted on the surface of your universe...
You can’t figure out why, 
why have you changed, 
why all this weakness that isolate you from everyone... 
You never used to be this way ... !!!
You’re stronger, always been stronger... 
lioness of your own,
Everything is perfect, absolutely perfect... 
Then why the misery?
What could have possibly been wrong?

You have everything, 
Better than anyone... 
The perfect family, 
The best of best friends and people around you... 
Your own passions and ambitions that keep attracting people around you, more and more, day by day.

You never allowed anyone to see this side of you, even on the rare occasions that it happened... 

None ever known you as weak, needy or shattered...
Then why now? 
What’s wrong? 
What’s new?
You have dreams to pursuit... 
You know and very sure that you’re not there yet, 
You’re almost there, halfway there, halfway on your first step towards the first catch...
You can see your dreams in front of you, glistening, sparking, calling you, yeeeessss, you’re here, and they’re there... 
Only a stretch of an arm far, only this far... !!!

You started believing that you have had them already,
Dreaming of success, achievements and luck... 
Yes, you believed that you’re lucky, 
That you have everything...
But how possible when you haven’t yet stretched your arm, you didn't even move a muscle... 
Why sleeping, why satisfying and why celebrating??

It’s like the poor man who wanted to marry the princess, a daughter of a very mean and greedy king, he dreamed about this for years and years... and mostly dreamed about it happening, and the joy after, that he already started talking about it, telling the whole village that he’s going to marry the princess... he kept saying he’s ready, his family approved, he has his own house and everything is settled, ONLY that the princess and her father still don't know.

You, my dear child, doing the same... you have already made your wedding ceremony, without the groom... !!!

Groom?
What groom?
Who said anything about a groom? 
I don’t need any, I don’t see any, and of course, I don’t believe in any.
Grooms are like fairytales; 
we know and hear about them all the times, 
but we never find.
I am not talking about any groom,
Of course, you can have any man you wish for... 
You already have tried many, so many of them who have appealed suitable... suitable men for you, they matched your criteria physically, but never mentally .. 
You could never find that one who can understand your needs, who can read your thoughts and fulfill your dreams, making you a whole without even saying a word.
They are all shallow, greedy, naughty and young... yes, mentally immature! 
And this annoys the hell out of you... !!

Him leaving without a goodbye annoys the hell out of you the most...
He just decided to leave, his family, perfect job and his bunch of stupid friends, everything ..
He murmured something about leaving, about being so suffocated in this place that he can barely breath his dreams out, 
He said he hates this place, he wants to breakthrough and fly .. Fly away!
Despite the fact that he’s very much aware of how much this place means to you, and how you will never leave it... 
He said he wants to leave here, while here includes you!

He asked for a goodbye... a proper goodbye... 
But, you couldn't.
Not only because you hate goodbyes, 

but also because somewhere deep inside you, 
you were very sure it will be the last time you see his teeth, the thing you love the most about loving the whole of him ..

A prisoner will do his best to never come back to prison, 
He will fight, kick and scream his way back to freedom again ..
Same as the effort the fish will do to stay in the lake. 
The prisoner will never dive deep in the prison water no matter how the fish wanted him to.

And tomorrow annoys you too ... 
Tomorrows without his existence makes you hate new days,
New sun rays and even waking up ... 
No more running “accidentally” into each other when you know how special this place means to the other, 
No more heart jumping and blood pumping every time you see his car (or a similar one) and no more happy surprises for you ...

The land is empty for you now my lioness to rule, only you and the vague shadows of him around... !!!


But is that’s it? Is that’s only what keeps you down, 
While having everything in the palm of your hand?
Him leaving? 
SO WHAT. 
You never cared or showed an effort... 
You didn’t even blink when you ditched him away... 
Of course he didn’t like the attention you were giving to others while he’s pleading for yours ... 
And she did! 
She helped him through! 
She was there when you weren’t...
Or maybe she was there the same time you were too ?? 
That’s not bothering you isn't it? 
I can’t tell why you’re so calm about it, 
Murmuring things about fate! 

You used to believe he’s your fate, 
2 years ago, when nothing about him was accepted for you,
His glassy gazes, his cigarettes and his social circles .. 
But you still accepted the whole of him .. 
Then why you didn’t track him down ... ??
This place, here, will never have his existence .. and you will never ask for it ..  !!

Then why isolating yourself now? 
Who are these new people you let in? 
And why you kicked the rest out? 
Why giving up now? 
Why shaking and trembling? 
I hate you this way and they hate you more … 

Let them be jealous, If they want,
They can never have half of what you worked for, tirelessly, endlessly... 
They will never reach here, 
So accept your fears and go along with them .. 
Just go with it, go for it ... !!

Remember, life is short, 
Dreams are time limited... 
And your dreams are even more limited... 
The change must begin now... 
By you, only you, stronger and more independent you... 
Throw away your walking sticks and crawl, jump and fly .. !!

Always fight ... as a Lioness !!