Me aged 5, freshly showered and fully dressed into my evening gown, those elegant but homey cloths we usually wear during the evenings, hair perfectly done, homework done, jumping up and down, up and down on the stairs, ignoring my mother's warnings and advice to be careful, excitement overpowering my joy, I was so happy that I could fly, let alone jump .... IT'S PLAY TIME!
Ignoring all the fuss, screams and tears in the background, didn't drag my attention the amount of tension and worries floating in the air, my grandmother tears, my cousins panic and my uncles angry screams, all I cared about was that here's my cousins all gathered here and perfectly dressed, they don't have any excuse but to PLAY!
Approaching my elder cousin with a very wide and bright smile "Yasmeen, let's play".
Although I could never forget the look in her eyes, but still, up till now I couldn't understand or explain it, very glassy, very pained, very scared and very broken, yet, she managed a smile, and as I smiled back, her words showed me that her smile wasn't because she's happy, on that day I learned unhappy people can smile too!
"Play ?! How can we play when mum isn't home ?!"
Very short silence, as I broke it quickly : "Well, then let's only play hide and seek"
Flash back (~2~)
As the inner doors flee open strongly and suddenly, a crying woman dragging her suitcase into our big house yard, and before she reached the front door, a man reached out to grab her by the arm, devastated from the inside, hurt and maybe scared, his dignity stopping him from begging her to stay, he decided to use force instead.
Between her shredded cloth and painful tears, his muscles and screams, 2 short, skinny and trembling legs were making their way upstairs, to where we were silently observing that scene.
He smiled, a very wide smile with some front row teeth missing, and just stood there, silently, just smiling.
And I learned that day that there's too much to tell out of a simple beautiful smile, too much but only happiness is excluded.