The ... PrinCesS ... Of ... ForesTs ... !!!

Every Memory iS a SiGn ..... ThaT DefeniTly Once U Were Mine ... I'll Carry U iN My HearT and HolD U iN My MinD, Where U Can Be SaFe ... AwaY From PeoPle's OpiniOns, and WhaT's WronG and WhaT's RiGhT, AwaY From The No0ns Sun RaYs, and The ColD Of The NiGhT, AwaY From ChilDreN's FinGer PrinTs, and PeoPle eYes SiGhT ........ !!!!!!!!

Friday, December 28, 2012

One Thousand Apologies


To all my beloved friends and family,

One thousand apologies,

With only a few days left for 2012, a year so far has been my favorite; I would like to send you a few gratitude words. I’m so thankful to have you all in my life, each and everyone of you, you make me feel blessed. I know my recent behaviors didn’t make me the best friend for most of you, and many of you stated this clearly that I’m changed, unfortunately, to the worst. I don’t ask more often like I used to be, I don’t reply messages and I NEVER call you back, in fact, I don’t call anyone at all –except those a few that I need them urgently to accomplish a task. I give so much promises that I cannot keep and I’m always busy, always busy specially on those special days for some of my special people, I was never there for them, just not available. The relationships I share with others are so sketched and rough. I know this might make you all feel that I don’t care, I know, I’m so sorry, but I do, I do care.

And for that, One thousand apologies.

I didn’t want to be this way. I didn’t mean to.

Reflecting back, it just hit me to realize how many people got into my life this year, so many new friends from all around the world, this makes me happy, but also, so many have made their ways out of my life, so many who used to mean a lot to me, they just walked away, without even a goodbye, and what makes me sad more, I didn’t even notice they are gone, until now.

And for that, One thousand apologies.

I stopped writing, yes, I don’t write no more, I don’t even remember the last time I opened my blog. I keep receiving messages from my fans and followers asking me what’s wrong, asking me why there’s no new edition to the page or the blog, I don’t have any answers to this, I don’t know, I truly don’t know, I don’t know why I’ve stopped writing, it used to be the only thing I enjoy in life, and being the shy person I’m, it used to be my only way to expose my feelings and thoughts to the world. it might be because I’ve lost my inspiration, I lost the urge to write anything about myself, I lost the interest to tell the world how miserable I’m, how much broken I’m, and how much life keeps mistreating me in every step I take. Maybe I stopped writing because I don’t want to fill the world with more sadness, it has enough already. I don’t know even what to write about, I got so confused that made me stop, I stopped writing.

And for that, One thousand apologies.

I stopped doing so much things I was only known by doing them, I stopped laughing from the bottom of my heart, I stopped believing, I stopped having faith in anything specially myself, I stopped trusting people, I stopped caring for others and ofcourse, I stopped falling in love.

And for that, One thousand apologies.

Dears, you have to understand, that sometimes life might drag us along, drag us so far away, it takes us into paths where we MUST walk on, and walk alone, we have to find our own ways. We all have that secret corner that nobody knows except us, that corner where we head to whenever it’s raining heavily, whenever it’s so cloudy that we can’t see beyond our hands, whenever things go wrong, whenever we need to pray for the storm to clear out, whenever we are falling hardly, breaking into pieces, whenever we need space, a larger space, whenever we DON’T really need a company. I admit, it took me so long hiding in my dark corner, away from everything, and everyone, it took me so long to realize a few facts, so long to recover from some past deep injuries, and so much longer to get over some memories, just a little at a time. Life is too short, but this time it was bigger, than the strength I had to get up off my knees. But eventually, stronger, I’m up now.

I know you will forgive whatever I do wrong. I know that you will listen To the tiniest problem that I have.
One thousand apologies, for everything I did.
One thousand apologies, for every broken dream I shred.
One thousand apologies, for abusing your kindness.
One thousand punches, won’t give me what I deserve.
One thousand apologies, for the words I spoke.
One thousand apologies, for the way I treated you.
One thousand apologies, for all that I broke.
One thousand apologies, for being distant.
One thousand apologies, for the way I look.
One thousand apologies, for the way I think.

 I won’t promise you that the old me is back, but maybe a better me is back, no, definitely a better me is back, that’s what I’m working on, and I need your help in this, you will like the better new me, I promise ( a promise that I’m going to keep). Just all I want from you is to forgive my past behaviors, my past slips and let’s start all over again, let’s give the new me a try, and I will do my best to replace any hurt or bad feeling I made you feel with another good one, again, I promise.

I will always be around, as much as I can be, I will gain your trust back, I will try to get back all those who left me, angrily and disappointed, I will make it up for them, I will fulfill all my old promises.

And One thousand apologies, for bringing this up too late.

Now, literally, let’s all have a happy 2013 all J

I'm sorry

I know you will forgive,
Whatever I do wrong.
I know that you will listen,
To the tiniest problem that I have.

I'm sorry,
For everything I did.
I'm so sorry,
For ever broken dream I shred.

I know you will hold me,
When I feel so alone.
I know you will be there,
When I'm broken and forgotten.

I'm sorry,
I know I abuse the facts
I'm so sorry,
For crawling every time I need you.

It's like I'm a stone,
Cause I know you will come.
It's like I'm a stone,
But I can't stand alone.

I'm so sorry,
For abusing your kindness.
One thousand punches,
Wont give me what I deserve.

I do not deserve this mercy,
I do not deserve this at all.
Why the angel fell for a demon,
I will never understand.

In my evil ways full of sins,
You remind me.
That every sinner has a future,
And every saint has a past.

Friday, August 3, 2012

إعــتــذار

اَسـفـة
فـهـل قـبـلـت إعـتـذارى ..؟؟
أقـدمـه عـلـى طـبـق مـن الـنـار
أرجـوك سـامـحـنى ،، و لا تـحـزن
فـلـم تـكـن يـومـاً إخـتـيـارى

لـم أعـدك يـومـاً بـشـىء
و لـم أفـعـل ... ؟؟
و هـو فـى روحـى
و مـع دمـى جـارى

لـم تـكـن نـظـراتـى مـوجـهـة إلـيـك
و كـذا لـم تـكـن أشـعـارى
لـم ألـمـس عـن قـصـد يـديـك
لـم أقـصـد أن أبـتـسـم إلـيـك
و لـم أكـتـب إلـيـك أسـرارى

رجـاءً ... لا تـغـضـب
فـحـبـه وحـده كـان قـرارى
و لـم أر إسـمـك يـومـاً
فـى خـارطـة حـيـاتـى .. و أقـدارى

فـلا تـحـاول أن تـعـيـد مـا لـم يـكـن
و قـصـة خـيـالـيـة سـئـمـتـهـا عـقـول الـصـغـار
فـقـد أخـطـأت فـهـمـى
لـم تـكـن يـومـاً حـلـمـى
و خـلـفك قـد أسـدلـت أسـتـارى 

Stupid Rose (3)

Welcome back, dear Rose ..
Rose ?!! Are you still a rose ??
You no longer look like it does ..
No more heaven like aromas tickling my nose ..
You beautiful colours were stolen from you, I suppose ..
What have they done to you, Rose ??
A long time dead creature .. as I check you up close ..
Ready to be blown away with the slightest decision they choose ..
Eventually, it was always you .. the one who loose ... !!!


Why .. Why did you let them pick you up ??
How come you never asked them to stop ??
Did they give you images of freedom .. and illusions of hope ??
And what makes you buy what they sell on their dirty shop ??
How could you let them play you hard .. and leave you messed up ??


Rose, I'm very disappointed on you ..
I never thought you will be like what you turned into ..
To let whoever use your heart and step over you ..
To let them use your soul and then burn it when they are through ..
That's the last thing I ever expected from you ..
You were always stupid, that's something I always knew ..
And you are stupid now .. And forever will do !!!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Like A Rose

I don't know ..
I don't even have a clue ..
What makes me staying awake till this late time at night ..
Feeling so good ..
Just thinking of him ..
WHO IS HE ??
I don't even have a clue ..
Maybe what I know about him can't even cause half of what I'm feeling for him ..
I do feel like I've knowen him for a long time now ..
Like it's been ages ..
And his smell never left the place ..
I see him, smell him everywhere ..
Everytime I rememebr his bright smile ..
My everything changes to brightness ..
He is like a red fresh rose in my lifes garden ..
Spreading joy to everything and everyone around it ..
It's aroma filling my space ..
and my heart ..
He's like a red rose ..
That I will never pick off my garden ..
I will always keep it in place ..
For me only .. !!!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Time Slaves.


No ..
He doesn't have to stay in my life.
I got the right to move on,
He got the right to fly.

After all of these years..
It’s not his fault that my dreams faded away..
Or that my highway got crossed with obstacles..

It’s not his fault,
If my heart decided to reread an old chapter..
When he was once my hero,
And destiny was the enemy.

It’s not his fault that time dragged us along.
And threw us in the middle of no where.
It's not his fault that I was the one that got lost.
I was the one that couldn't find her way back home,
And he was the one that made it .. alone.

It's not his fault that my life corridor was dark,
And I was alone and scared.
It's definitely not his fault that the candles I chose to light my way,
Were the same exact ones that burned me,
And burned me deep.

And tonight,

It's not his fault that time changed its mind,
And decided to take me back..
Dragging me alone..
Stepping over my broken heart,
Over my unhealed skin,
And my blinded eyes..
Taking me back..
To when destiny won once..
 But this time,
I have to be the hero,
And fight our destiny,

To win him back.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Fake Reality !


"I love you"
You whispered ..
And I smiled ..
We are happy ..
We never pretended to be ..
We are truly happy ..
Our smiles never faded away ..
We are always together ..
Hugging or holding hands ..
Even when some circumstances force us to separate ..
We keep thinking of each other ..
Seeing each other in every single face we meet ..
Wishing if the other could be here ..
He / she would love to see this or do that ..
And we can’t wait till we are together again ,
To tell all the details we experienced while we were apart ..
Promising, we will never do that again .. !!

We traveled the whole wide world ..
We had adventures together ..
We have kids ..
A lot of them ..
Everytime I notice a new face that I’ve never realized before ..
But all have your eyes, your big brown eyes ..
Your black hair ..
Your African features ..
My smile ..
Your childish soul ..
And my face .. !!
We enjoy the intimacy of being together ..
Me taking care of our kids,
While you happily watched ..
Or read a book !!

It has always amazed me ..
How always everyone and everything around us tend to fade when we are together ..
It’s like the whole world is involving about us ..
No voice could be heard but ours .. nothing and no one matters but us ..
It was always us, about us .. !!

Then it happens ..
It always happen ..
Although I hate to ..
But,
I hear you calling my name ..
From very, very far away ..
And it’s getting clearer ..
My world starts to shudder ..
No, wait ..
It’s not you ..
Someone else is calling ..
Someone else is shaking me awake ..
And I start to get conscious ..
Smiling .. my heart beating fast ..
I wake up .. !!

Waking up to a new morning, of a new day ..
I wake up, to a new life ..
Without you ..
Feeling sad and disappointed at first ..
But then,
I remember my dream ..
And my whole world start to shine again ..
Everything seem to have a meaning then ..
It doesn’t matter if it was in “just a dream” where I saw you ..
As I get to see you everyday ..
I won’t complain .. !!

I wake up to my world ..
To the one that lacks you inside ..
That’s why I tend to sleep for hours .. for days ..
Always longing to sleep ..
Even if I wasn’t that tired ..
I just need to see you ..
To feel you ..
And live in imaginary world with you ..
For a while ..
This short while ..
That makes my life .. !!

Even though dreams are just like a blurred line ..
Between here and there ..
Like a meeting room in a prison ..
Where you get to be in the same room ..
Yet on a different sides ..
Different worlds ..
But for me,
Dreams are by far my favorite .. !!!

Choose To Stay



Are you sure what to do?
The choice is yours in the end.
To take it into your hands,
You emotions,
Feelings.
Life can be hard for most.
The hardest challenge is life itself.
You are buried so deep you feel lost.
You think what would it be like?
Realizing all the things you do.
Everything that causes pain and grief.
Annoyance and anguish.
The relationships you share with others,
Are sketched and rough.
You think,
What would it be like,
If the source vanished.
Suddenly being taken away from its victims.
Creating scenarios and environments,
Where everything changed.
Would they be sad?
Would they be relieved?
Would their hearts ache with sorrow?
Or would they shrug it off in a week?
You imagine your friends and loved ones.
Acting with either emotions.
They could take it harshly and cry for hours on end.
Or admit it’s a tragedy and move on with their lives.
But its not always their choice.
The choice is yours as well.
Your choice,
Affects the choices of others.
If you choose to stay,
They choose to be happy.
If you choose to go,
They choose to be sad.
So in the end, the very, very end.
You must choose carefully and think.
If you choose to go,
Would they truly, be happy?
Or would they suffer through more pain?
All your life,
You only wanted others to feel happy.
And not to bear the pain.
So if you choose to go,
You will be causing,
What you despise most.
You would be going back on your word.
Going back, on them.
Choose wisely,
Choose to stay…

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Until ..


I’ve been postponing everything,

I know,

I’ve been postponing every little thing,

And All the important things,

I’ve been delaying them to whenever,

And it happens that “whenever” never comes.

                I’m postponing my tomorrow,

                Till I’m fed up of yesterday.

                I’m postponing my happiness,

                Till I’m done crying.

                I’m postponing my tears,

                Till I find the source of my pain.

                And I’m postponing my life,

                Till I get you back.

I’m ok with a grey life,

Cause my colours are in your smile.

I accept living in winter forever,

Cause my spring lives in your eyes.

I don’t mind being alone,

Cause my only company is you.

I have to live in a crazy messy world,

Cause my balance lies within our touch.

I will bear flying mercilessly day and night,

Cause my only shelter is between your arms.
 
I will stop time,
 
Till I can see your face again.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

A Decision !



Today
,

I took my decision ..

I will stop waiting,

I have no more time to waste,

Counting the clock ticks and tocks,

Watching seasons come and go,

I will start walking on my life path,

But,

I will never stop hoping.

Hoping to run into you someway in the middle,

Someway over that corner,

Or maybe, just maybe ..

Somewhere before the end.

Monday, March 5, 2012

بـنـطـرك


تـسـألـنـى كـيـفـن بـذكـرك ؟؟؟
وأنـا الـعـمـرى مـا يـومـاً نـسـيـت
كـأنـو الـقـلـيـب واقـف قـدام الـبـاب .. يـنـطـرك
ويـقـول تـرانـى إمـكـن أنـا الـمـاجـيـت
سـنـيـنـاً تـفـوت
وعـذر ورا عـذر كـايـسـاهـو لـيـك
وحـبـاً زايـد مـا بـيـمـوت
فـى عـيـونـى ديـمـه حـافـظـاهـو لـيـك
وراجـيـة الـغـروب
فـى كـل زاويـة إشـارة إنـك يـوم حـتـعـود
لازمـاً وجـوب
ومـا مـهـم كـم يـوم يـعـدى .... بـاكـر مـوجـود

بـاكر حـنـمـلا الـبـيـت حـنـيـن
وشـافـعـاً صـغـيـر فـيو يـجـوط
بـاكـر نـعـوض فـرقـة سـنـيـن
ولـمـتـنـا ديـك بـاكـر تـعـود
نـاجـيـت الـقـمـرة والـنـجـمة
سـألـت عـلـيـك كـل الـوجـود
فـتـشـت عـلـيـك فـى الـزحـمـة
ضـهـبـنـى الـزمـن .. وتـشـابـه وجـوه

ومـالـو لـو مـابـتـسـأل .. ومـابـتـرسـل
عـاذراك وأكـيـد الـعـذر مـوجـود
نـاطـراك والـسـكـة بـتـوصـل
ونـاطـرة يـومـاً فـيـو نـعـود

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Letting go !!


Tonight,
I believe it's over..
Tonight,
I'm letting you go, my lover!!
Although,
I really don't know what to do..
Or even have a clue..
I will be forced to stand and watch that view..
Watching her stealing the heart of you..!!
And I will let her know..
That tonight, I will let you go..!!
These hopes and dreams will be buried deep with you..
With a box of your memories,
And all the things you used to do..
But,
I have to..
Have to let you go..!!

I ran out of fake smiles..
Ran out of true tears..
My heart is tired of running all of these miles..
To face the only thing it fears..
I can't charge your happiness no more..
No knocks to offer for your door..
But I,
Will call the light to die..
Digging all the way to death..
Will Make a billion lie..
Turn my soul to mess..
Can't you see ??
You are the power source for me..
And I will choose to fly..
Talking you out of my sky..
I'm daring my weakness to choose..
You, or life to loose ..?!!
And I have to say goodbye..
Before you try to try..
I will fly with wind .. fly away..
Because, I shouldn't stay ...!!!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Back To You !


After all those years that passed us through ..
After all these promises you made me do ..
After all these roads that took me away ..
Teaching myself how to hate you, everyday ..
Living with pain and regret, that I can’t even say ..
Everything, just everything ………
Eventually,
Lead me back to you !!!

Although..
Deep inside, I always knew ..
That will never find better than you ..
But, I promised to let go ..
I promised never ever believing in you ..
And I flew ..
The darkest clouds, I managed through ..
Broke all the chains that connected me to you ..
Though it was hard forcing myself to,
But I walked a life … Without you !!
But I never knew..
With every tear drop or a mistake I do ..
Something brings me back to you !!
I was lucky .. So lucky for true ..
Finding you whenever I needed you ..
Offering me a shoulder to lean to ..
A hand to hold on to ..
Borrowing me a smile .. When I ran off some too ..
Just being there ,, was so nice of you !
I knew ..
I will never ever manage to truly thank you ..
For trying to fix a life, that was once ruined by you ..
I understand boy, I really do ,,
Nothing’s going to be the same, as when I had you ..
I remember begging you once, to never let me go ..
But never imagined having you back like a friend and a “Bro” !!
**************************************************************
Dear … Why ? you don’t have to ..
Trying to keep me alive ..
Giving me a reason to survive ..
Just by you being in my life ..
Only if you ..
If you could listen to what my eyes say ..
When you hold me ..
Haven’t you realize I started to cry everyday ??
Why couldn’t you see ??
Having you back killed the joy in me !!!!

When I found you ..
Was like a baby needs his mum .. I run to you ..
But what can I do ??
What did I drag myself into ????
Though once I have promised you ..
That no matter how, no one will replace you ..
No one can take the heart you belong to ..!!

But it hurts, the pain feels true ..
Asking me o keep our “friendship” as a secret .. didn’t you ??
You don’t even want your heart to know ..
You don’t want to feel it’s me who’s back to you ..
Honestly ..
I will never work it out .. never can do ..
You’re not my friend baby, nor my brother too ..
You’re the one I keep dreaming about every night ..
The one that with his touch . every sour feels alright ..
Who can change my darkness to light ..
Just by seeing his sight ..
Who means to me more than this world do ..
Did you know ??
Though I can’t say it, but this time I will force myself to ..
I’m flying without you ..
I’m facing the tasteless and colorless life too
I’ve to walk alone .. with one shoe !!!

Sleep !!!


You gotta move on …
You have to be strong …
Tonight … you maybe alone …
But, there’s tomorrow …
Sure … there’s always tomorrow …
When a new day sun rise …
Then, you will realize …
You made it …
To the new world …
You made it …
Taking your own road …
To a new better day …
So, you just got to push that thought away …
And fall asleep …
Yes, so sweet and so deep …
Don’t be afraid …
You might see some nightmares instead …
But you should always believe …
That those bad moments … will surly leave !!!
It won’t happen overnight …
But after a while you will see the light …
And then you will realize it’s all gone …
With no more tears to be shown !!!

Angel Tears


Coincidence, lead me to you ..
Destiny, showed us what to do ..
And I liked …
Liked the way you appeared …
From nowhere … Daring anything I’ve feared …
So angel like .. is it a disguise ??
You’re not like the other guys …
Just being who you’re …
You filled every empty box in my dreams bar …
I’m really thankful for having you …
Making every single wish I had come true … !!!

But ..
You didn’t know …
I’m full of scars that I cannot show …
So drunk from my mistake …
Giving some promises that I cannot make …
And they promised to never cause me pain …
How could I let this happen to me again ???

Something held me away in that star …
I swore myself, will never let it get that far …
They killed my trust child …
Taught me how to push my heart aside …
How to act like alive …
Most of all, they taught me how to hate life !!!
I just wanted to leave …
Falling down like the last autumn leaf …
And before I reached the floor …
Your hands pulled me to the happiness store !!!

Thank Allah for sending you now ..
It’s time for me to stop asking how …
You’re here to light my way …
To give me strength to open my eyes everyday …
To be my sun that keeps me warm at night …
A candle in my eyes sight …
You were honest about how you do …
Another girl leftover …. Wasn’t you ??
A broken piece I have to fix …
A fallen wall … and I have some bricks …
But I like …
Like the challenge to put you all together again …
To heal your angel heart and suck your pain …
Just be with me in my grey land …
We’ll make it colorful once again .. walking hand in hand !!!!

NO !!!!!!!!!!!!


And again .. NO !!!!!!!!
This time I will let go …
It’s time to say STOP …
Nothing is going the way I hope …
I need to say ENOUGH …
I’m done falling in love …
I won’t trust anyone …
No one can take me for fun …

And NO !!!
No, this is just ain’t for me ..
I deserve better … better has to be …
Will never answer that call …
No more tear drops will fall …
I’M DONE !!
I’m not giving my trust to someone who’ll soon run …
NO, I will walk alone a mile …
Finding a million reasons to smile …
Will never look back again …
Will never have a chain …
If I could stand up and scream “NO” high …
I know it will reach the sky …
I will be the greatest single soul …
If I could say “NO” ….. After all !!!!