The ... PrinCesS ... Of ... ForesTs ... !!!
Every Memory iS a SiGn ..... ThaT DefeniTly Once U Were Mine ... I'll Carry U iN My HearT and HolD U iN My MinD, Where U Can Be SaFe ... AwaY From PeoPle's OpiniOns, and WhaT's WronG and WhaT's RiGhT, AwaY From The No0ns Sun RaYs, and The ColD Of The NiGhT, AwaY From ChilDreN's FinGer PrinTs, and PeoPle eYes SiGhT ........ !!!!!!!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Yesterday, I was there with them..
We were laughing, playing or even fighting
Then when it was time to go to sleep
I said goodbye to them, and promised to meet tomorrow
Just to continue what we had been doing
And when I woke up. I didn't find them here
They just were gone..
I kept screaming…WHERE ARE YOU??
But still didn't hear any answer
They were a page in my life book...Which I turned over
Don't know why they went...But I know they're not here now
Some are just names, and some I don't remember
Some are just faded with the dust of the past
I knew them very well...And shared a good or even bad memories with
All I want to know now is are they still alive??, maybe not
And if they're happy about what they got
If they're feeling pain
And'll we ever meet again??
Do they still remembering me, and our times
When we did good things...as well as crimes
I still have their pictures, voices and stories on my head
I just want to ask about them for a last time
For the memory of us…Once in a life time
Razan al-Fatih & her sister Shahd
/ -Shaza & Nada (the twins) & their cousin Leila
-Ahmed nabeel /
-Yakeen (don't really remember her full name, but still have the memory when she told the teachers about me, I still hate her so much)
-Teacher Najat (of Arabic) she caught me with my crime
-Teacher Mona (of English)
-Mohammed Awad (my cousin who died in a car accident. I was about 3 years old then or maybe older a little) /
-Iman Sami (my baby cousin who died also, but its better for her I guess as she wasn't a healthy child)
-The Elephant in the zoo I used to take fruits to every Thursday, they took it away
-Yassmeen (my Egyptian friend from the club, still remember the day she was leaving, our goodbye was hard on us both, she went back to Egypt, and never heard of her again)
***[Those last seen @ 1996…When I was 5 years old]
-Huda (my crazy Egyptian friend, she told me once a story about how the bats "wa6awee5" ate her baby brother, I still remember that I didn't sleep that night, she scared the hell out of me,haha)
-Teacher Al-Hade (of science)
/ -Mohamed Ismail
-Mayada (really can't remember her full name, But still have the memory when we were playing with disks during the class and fell down…really the teacher knew what to do about us)
***[Those last seen @ 2000…When I was @ class 4]
-The 2 brothers whom lost their mother, Guess Omer & Osman (can't really remember, but they used to come and play with me, till one day their step-mother took them away)
-That guy I had a crush on @ the club, heard he's been to Jail cause of a drugs issue) / -That blonde orphan who was living with aunt Magdolin (he always makes me cry when I see him)
*** [Last seen @ 2001...class 5]
-Hamza (that cute boy, really where is he??)
-My chickens (Guess James our servant ate them)
***[Those last seen @ 2002…When I was in class 6]
-Mohammed Adil (last time in 2003 when he went to U.S.A and never came back)
-Tahany al-Naeem (I loved this girl so much) /
- Teacher Yousif (the best man on the world))
-Hindi (Ana 9'ab??)
-The 2 sweet brothers in the bus.
-Shams al9aba7 (ma friend's grandma-no need for names)
-Pepsi man (A guy called Ibrahim)
***[Those last seen @ april.2004, by the end of 8'Th class]
-My Grandfather Al-sir [August.2004]
-My Grandmother Huda [April.2005]
-Yousra (my stinky neighbor in grade 1)
-Zainab al-Rasheed (another side by side stinky neighbor in grade 2) /
-3'ofran / -Nidaal / -Tabarak / -Sitana abo al-Gasim
-Namarik / -Skinny Mona / -Randa Yahiya / -Khansaa boraee
-Teacher Tasneem (of math's, the worst teacher I've ever knew, Kant bas moga9dani 3deeeeeeeel kida),)
-Teacher Ahmed (My private physics teacher in grade 2 secondary)
-Arwa & Marwa (eldest twins in grade 3 when I was in 2, had a problem to know which is who, as bardo they're monaqbat...!)
-Iman (the girl who kept calling me sarra, and I didn't correct her, wish if I can tell her my real name now)
-Onab Ize aldeen (dad liked this girl, and he kept asking me where is she)
- Teacher Amel (of English, I really liked her, and she did too, why not and I'm the best in her class??!)
-Hanim & Hafsa (my grandmother's cute servants)
***[Last time with those people was the end of grade 2 in 2006.when I transferred from my school)
And some other new ways...
I'll prove that what I did wasn't a crime !!
Just B'coz some thoughts were busying my mind...
Never thought that such a lie 'll make me blind...
I don't know when or how..know nothing about
But my heart is strong,,'ll move on no doubt..
It happened in a matter of a day,,
and took no time,,, just to fade away..!!
It's my mistake..can't blame you
B'coz from the start you shouldn't know
A heart I stayed awake just waiting for,,
But after that night I didn't do it any more..!!
B'coz I kept praying all that night..
That when a new day starts,everything 'll be alright..
I had feelings that I never knew..
But no matter how,I forced my self to let go..
I was sure there's a queen in your heart..
But why you told me in the day its getting to start..
The same day I wanted to tell you,,just wondering how..
Found you there screaming "SHE'S WOW"....!!!!!
I might be shocked..but didn't cry...
B'coz I'm the one who believed the lie..
Just it would be a day I'll remember as much as I can..
And maybe one day you'll know that once you were my man..!!!
بين طيات السحاب..دفنته
عدت،، بين صفحات الورق وجدته..
وسيما ساحرا،، بقلب من ورق
لم أعلم ماهو إلا بعد أن تعلمت ألأرق..
كنت طفلة صغيرة..لا أعرف كيف اللعب
رأيته...فتعلمت كيف أحب!!
في تلك الجلسة البرية...ذات مساء
أحسست كأنه القمر،،،هو مصدر ألأضواء
كان في كل شئ رجل...لا بل رجال
أذاق قلبي مرارة الأشواق و الترحال
تساءلت دموعي يوما "أتراه يعود" ؟؟!
بل السؤال...هل حقا هو موجود ؟؟!
هل هو بشر مثلنا.؟.! لا بل ملاك
طبع و نفذ على قلبي حكم الهلاك
جاوبتني الأمطار..و حفيف الشجر
جاوبتني الصحراء..و غياب القمر
جاوبني الليل الحالك،،الزلازل و الأعاصير
و كلهم أجمعوا على حرمة ما يصير...!!
قررت البحث عنه..في كل مكان
سألت عنه الأحياء و الأموات...و خيال الإنسان
أين هو..؟؟ و أين ذهب..؟؟
حتى أصابني اليأس و الملل و التعب
فسمعت صدى صوت...صوت بعيد
كان يبشرني بأن اليوم عيد..!!
URL_REMOVED حقا قد عاد..؟!
أتراه قد علم أن أشواقي في إزدياد..؟!
فصرت أجري،،و أحفر الأرض بحثا
أتلفت حولي و أصرخ جهرا
وجدته أمامي...و ياله من منظر
ماهو و ماذا حدث..و من أي مصدر!!
فصرخ قلبي هناك شئ مريب..
لم يبدو كما عهدته..هذا حقا غريب
أين ذهبت،ماذا حدث،ماذا فعلت..؟؟
أجب عن أسئلتي،،،ماذا إنتظرت..؟؟
فإذا بدمعة تنساب على خديه
كانت جوابه..و ألألم باد عليه
كيف؟؟..هل حقا قد غدر؟؟
فردت علي السماء بأنه في خطر..
لقد تبع هواه..و أغوته الشياطين
لقد نازع ضميره..و كذب الحنين
لقد أغوى نساء الأرض..و حور السماء
و قد ظن أنه ملك..حتى هذا المساء
فقد كن يذبن عشقا من نظرة عينيه
و قتلت نصفهن كلمة "أحبك" من بين شفتيه
و لم تمت البقية إلا لأنهن
إما طرش..أو عميان أظنهن
إذا لماذا قد عاد بعد فوات الأوان؟؟
بعد أن مات قلبي،،و دخلت مدن الأحزان؟؟
هاهو قد عاد و قد حكم عليه
بالموت المؤبد،،،و كبلت يديه
قد أخد يصرخ و يستجدي،،و لكن من هناك؟؟!
من غيري ليحميه من سياط الهلاك...!!
و لكني قد شلت يداي..وقت تنفيذ الحكم
أيقتلني و أجعله يعيش؟؟! يالهذا الظلم
و لكني لم أنس يوما كوننا أحباب...
و كملاك يعود لوطنه..دفنته بين السحاب!!!
"ننتهي لنعود من جديد
دا خوف ولا برد...؟
ما قادرة افهم هذه المسألة
جسمك ينزل تحت الأرض
و روحك تطلع فوق السما
ما بكفر ولا شي
بس قالقاني الحاجة دي
العشت بقلبو سنين
قاعد يتغمس جوا الطين
ما تخاف عتمة القبور
روحك حتضوى نور
حأحفر حولك سور
حأكون حارسة القبور
يوم الغبت القمر غاب
ختو فوقك أكوام تراب
كانو لى قلبي أكوام عذاب
وشك أبيض مافيو لون
و هو الكان مفتح ورد
يدك باردة زى التلج
و هي الكانت بتاخد البرد
وحياتك حيجى اليوم
نطلع فيهو أنا و أنت فوق
على دنيا ما بعدا دنيا
و أسألك إيه رأيك فيا..؟!
و تقول ليا بحبك...و تقول ليا بحبك
بحبك أنا لى سابع سما
لماذا كل هذا الخوف...يا عزيزي
لماذا الدموع و الحزن يا عزيزي ؟؟
اني انسانة أحس و أشعر
مخلوقة لأنسى و أذكر
اني مثل باقي النساء...أحب و أعشق
اني معك الان فلا تقلق
لقد رأيت مابك قبل أن تراه
و عشت بدونك أسوأ حياة
انتظرت بصبر متى تتكلم
و اني أموت كلما رأيتك تتألم
أرى عيناك ترجواني أن أعفو
أراهما حولي و أمالك تخبو
أحس بخوفك مني و من حبي
أتريد المزيد ؟؟...ألا يكفيك قلبي ؟؟
كلما لامست يدي يداك
كلما نظرت لعيناك
اني أسمع قلبي يرد عليك
بل أسمعه يصرخ..."خذني اليك
و لكنه يتحطم ألف مرة
عندما يرى انهمار دموعك المرة
و قبل أن أهم بمسحها من عليك
تسابقني اليها يديك
و أراك تركض بعيدا بعيد
لتحفي ألمك الشديد
و لكن لماذا...؟؟
هل جربت اخباري بهذا...؟؟؟
هل حاولت مرة النظر في عيني...؟؟؟
هل أحسست يوما بلمسات يدي...؟؟؟
هل زرتني مرة في الأحلام ؟؟؟؟
لا مستحيل...لأني لا أنام
أقضي ليلي مع القمر المنير
أشكيك له..و ما فعلت بقلبي الصغير
أوتعلم ما كان جوابه لكل سؤال...؟؟؟
أنك دائما تقول ما لم يقال
أخبرني أنك تناجيه ليلا
تشكو بعدي له...و ترجوه خيرا
فقط أخبرني أين أنت...و أين مكانك
سأنتظرك مهما قد طال زمانك
اني أريد أن أكون معك
قلها الأن...اني أسمعك
أتظن أن حياتي تسوى بلاك...؟؟؟
لا يا عزيزي...فروحي فداك
كن معي...و لا تحف مني
اني أحبك فلا تبتعد عني
It's almost 3 am...and I'm still awake..
Thinking if I made a big mistake..
But believe me I don't mean to drag it on
Just it seems to me that I'll be alone..
I learned how to be strong...I wont cry
All I'm trying to do is figure out "Why"..??
You were a devil in a shape of a man..
Taught me how to believe in love...never thought I can
But I've always knew it deep inside..
It was so clear on your face...However you try to hide
I know why you are here...and what are you trying to do..!!
Why you are doing this...and instead of who..
You kept mentioning him every time...In every call..
You was trying to get me hurt again...That's all..
I should never believe what you said bout you are a grown up man..
And all that you wanted to do is finding your own woman..
And how you put that clear,,,that I'm your one..
You said it immediately...That's not how it's being done..!!
No introductions...No pre-act..
But you knew I wouldn't refuse it...In fact
I said cheer up girl...here's a true story again..
And my heart kept saying "Remember that pain"..
I tried to ignore it...Although I knew its going to come..
But I said if I didn't get it all,,I'm ok with some..
Deep inside I started to get attached to you..
And my heart clouding believe that I'm doing so..
How can I forget it...And close that book..
You reminded me of him...his laugh,his touch,his look..
His way of expressing love...And being mad..
Also his way in leaving me...doing it bad..
You were like a copy of my own Jack..
Giving me a new way to make sure he wont come back..
I'm not ashamed of what I did...Not even proud..
It was just a way to let me think about..
About how much I'm stupid...And easy to fall..
And how I'm so emotional...To not realize that all..
I can say that I loved love...And loved to try..
But really why I'm chasing what leads me to cry..??
I know I've a lot of feelings that I'm ready to give..
But I can't find my true story...Which is going forever to live..
My true man...My honest prince..
With a magical look...Falls and forever since..
After all...You were a very good end..
To my colorful hope and dreams...Goodbye my friend..
Thanks a lot for killing a rose was just on its way to grow..
As you showed it there's no reason to do so..
No reason to live...Life is so ugly and black..
Controlling it's life just for your own sack..
And I'm still awake...Thinking of that..
I discovered that love is something I don't understand..
I don't know when it started...And when I'll get through..
But believe me boy...One day I'll be over you..!!!
Stupid Rose...Why you cry ??
He might be honest...May Jack didn't lie..!!
You wish if you knew...If he said Goodbye..
But you woke up to find he's not there...and it hurts to die..
And now its all over...He's gone..
You can't do anything after its all done..
You wish If you can forget all what you faced..
But darling...destiny can't be replaced..
Now in this hot summer...Under the sun's ray..
It's all so quite...Like a perfect sunday..
You sitting inside your forest...In that corner there..
Under that huge tree...Wishing If he could be here..
Every creature saw you kept wondering...What's going on..??
They don't know how much you're afraid...don't want to die alone..
Stupid Rose...You lost him,,no more thinking..
Don't know If it's braveness or stupidity to watch him die...Watch him sinking..
Now your dear Jack is so far away..
You realized that when you stared at the empty space one day..
And all you did was to go away...What a stupid girl..
Kept holding on a stupid necklace...With an ugly pearl..
How come you're the rich one...and he's the poor man..
I'd put him in a leathered chair covered with gold...If I can..
He so worth it...Worth your pain..
Any way it's so clear that he wont come back again..
I've never seen someone so stupid like you
Stupid Rose...you're in everything you do..
You miss him to death...Why you didn't say..??
We all know he's dead,,in a different way
In the way that he still alive in your heart..
But why you let it happen from the start..??
Should you fall in his love on that day..??
Wish if you were a little brave to beg him to stay
Stupid Rose...Why you got inside the Titanic..??
And even though,,Why you fell to his magic..??
None can be him..none can love you like Jack
You were his queen..Wishing if he could come back..?
Then why you didn't pull him out if you dare..!!
Or just why you didn't die with him if you care..!!
You kept shaking and begging "Please don't die"
Uh...at least why you didn't even try..??!!
Why you never pull him close and hug him tight..?!
He's your Jack..your life's light
Now you gonna live whole your life in the dark
You worth nothing without him,A dead Rose in a park
It was the beginning of the end when it started to move
Titanic the ugly ship,You killed the most beautiful love
Why..Should you really hit that piece of snow..???
Just if you could see 'em inside..you'd know
I just wonder why life is so hard as it does..?!
Everything was against Jack..and Stupid Rose..!!
I wake up everyday..
So stressed and depressed in anyway..
Feeling bad in any part..
Guilty is eating my heart..
After washing and doing what people do..
I try to pray..but can't do so..
Cause every time I think I'm facing God..
I feel so ashamed of my self..like I'm not made of mud..
I say to myself may tomorrow 'll be better..
But inside I know that means never..
I dress up quickly and go to say hi..
to my parents,,also that'd be a goodbye..
My father gives me a ride..what a gentleman..
I'd reply his favors,,If I can..
I go to my college..and sit to remember
alone in that cool winter of december..
Some minutes later,people start to show..
Everyone try to be cool..what a jerks that I know..
Some chatting and laughing before the lecture begins..
and I thank god when the bell rings..
Doing my best to understand what the teacher is talking about..
But after any word he says..I feel a big doubt..
After sleeping a little..& answering some calls..
I feel in danger,,but no one to catch me in my many falls..
At the end he remind us of next week test..
I say to my self fine,,gonna try doing my best..
But I know nothing,,I don't even have a book..
But it's alright..I'll find when I look..
Collect my friends..then the journey begins..
to other college for breakfast..and other things..
While buying and waiting for the delivery to come
Many people gather around..I only know some..
Bring their chairs,,sitting to chat..
Strange personalties..some'r idiots with a hat..
Different faces,colors, tastes and sizes..
Then when our meal comes..each poke their eyes..
They got used to it as I could see..
By a fake invitation to join us from me..
They all jump on our food like waiting a chance to..
I try to keep fighting..when I couldn't I just go..
With a teary eyes,,not cause I'm hungry..
But cause life and people..that's why I'm angry..
Walking alone,hands in pockets,head leaning down..
Many thoughts pass my head..guess I'll leave this town..
Then suddenly,from no where..that angel shows up smiling..
So sweet and handsome,showing his effort in styling..
Then my whole day flip 180..what a magic he has on me..
Just think he's the reason I want my life to be..
I knew its impossible..
At the first time I knew its possible..
It's something hard to get...
and when you do,,its difficult to forget...
Something get suddenly in our hearts..
Leading us to break in 1000 parts..
Taking control of your mind and soul...
No No,,,,taking control of you all...
Who are they...it never depend..
Any way it takes you to the corner of the end..
It makes you like a crazy man...
who is trying to fly,,though he knows he never can...
Leads your heart to beat so fast..
Maybe causing your death at last..
I don't know why or what all it's about...
It's not a usefull thing,,,and we can't live without...
When you see them you are just a foam..
and you wont sleep that night at home..
All your dreams will be about you both together...
But after its too late,,,you'll be alone forever...
And you have to live your life with a heart break..
although you are sure its not your mistake..
It's all on you,,a major waste of time...
Any way,,after all,,I think love is a sort of crime...!!!
نظر إلي...و بعينين حائرتين
سألني..من أكون.. !!
أولا تعرفني.. ؟؟،يامن أوصلني حد الجنون؟
يامن جعلني أعيش في دنيا ألأوهام
ولم يكف عن زيارتي في المنام...في كل الأحلام
و علمني سحر كلام العيون !
إني السماء في وسعها...و وكار الطيور
إني العشق في ذاته...من حب و فتور
إني مالم تعرفه عن الحياة و القرون
إني من إحتوتك في قلبها...و علمتك الحنين
و من أرضعتك من عشقها..بمرور السنين
إني من كل الألوان و الأشكال و الفنون!
إني صوت تغريد البلابل..و الفيضانات و الزلازل
بل إني الطاقة ألأبدية..بلا موصل أو عازل
إني ملاكك الحارس...و القلب الحنون!
أوتظل تسألني ؟..ألم تعرف من أكون..؟!
إني التي تمنتك...و أحبت كبريائك
إني التي تحملت غرورك...و أشكال عنادك
إني الروح الحاوية...و الجسد الذي بك مسكون!
و لست أبدا ناسية...بل دارية بما سيكون
إني جريحة هذا العصر...وليدة تلك السنون
معاشرة كل الخلائق...و أهل السجون
إني حياتك يا عمري...مالكة الأشجار و الغصون
و لكن حقا سؤال يراودني..>> فمن أكون ؟
I heard the ring,,
you went to take a look,,
You did the door's unlock,,
heard you talking with someone,,then "MUWAH"
"I miss you so much baby"..her voice said
"Me too honey"..you replied
"Come in,,it's cold out side",,you added
Tok..Tok..Tok,she came..then you chatted
you put the ice,,then "here's your cup"
"Oh nice,,you made that??""
You said "sure,,just for you",,I couldn't understand
I made it for you,not for her!!
You added " you saw my new car"??
CAR??,,thought you have a bike!!
you said "ya,,the same one that you like"...
"Really??,,can I take a look??"
you said "Sure",,then heard the doors lock..
You said "wait a minute baby,,I wanna make a call"..
I heard your gasp.then saw the duration of the call...!!
My heart is in love..??????
how is that my little dove..??????
It promised never to miss..
never 'll beat for someone else..
I saw it my self locking the door..
and I'm sure it said "No love any more"..
My darling..how come is that..???????
I just can't understand..
Who is he..and what he's trying to do..??
what's his shape like,,tell me do you know..??
Baby dove please deliver my letter..
tell my heart never do like the past times,,and treat him better..
Say "you are not made of glass,,he can't break you"..
but still be awake,,watch whatever he is trying to do..
Just tell the truth,,never be shy..
don't keep looking at the time he say good bye..
Tell it although it broke our deal..I'm not mad..
but forgetting our big love 'll make me sad..
Remind my heart that he always has a place inside..
where he can feel safe,warm..where he can hide..
Baby dove..just tell my heart finally I say good bye..
and it should use my steps..or again it 'll lead me to cry..!!