Again !

-
Just like that,
After all of this time,
After all of these rules,
After all of the resistance,
The fights,
Eventually,
It's happening again .. !!

 I loved again,
I'm crying again,
I feel pain again,
I don't know when or how,
But I knew when it was over,
I felt my heart break once again,
I've been fooled one more time,
After I thought I wont,
After I stopped believing,
After I stopped dreaming,
After I stopped breathing,
It's happening again .. !!

 I made someone special .. Again,
Another man ruled in my life,
Again ..
And I agreed to be postponed,
To be the one on his waiting list,
And I don't even have a list,
And his list kept going bigger and bigger ..
Longer and longer ..
With me going farther and farther,
Again and again .. !!

 I feel sick ..
My legs can barely hold me,
But I've got to stand up,
Even higher than before,
I have to fake that I'm alive,
Alive without a soul,
I've to face the world
One more time .. Again ..!!

 I hate myself,
I hate him more,
I hate crying under the shower,
Again ..
I hate this world,
A big wide bad cruel world,
A world where our dreams never ever come true,
A world where we have to fake our smiles,
Fake our inhales,
Force our exhales,
Where we have to remind our hearts to beat,
And force our minds to shut up,
And hide our tears ..

 A world where you change yourself to please some people,
People who will never care to please you,
People who will keep you crying,
They will leave you bleeding,
They will step over you,
They will keep you waiting,
And waiting ..
Hoping,
And hoping ..
But they will never call ..
But they will never come back ..
And you will get it ..
Finally you will understand ..
When it's too late !!

 Apparently,
I will never get up on my knees,
One after the other I receive my beats,
And I keep falling,
Falling ..
Falling ..
Until there's no escape,
I will be trapped here forever
Back to here again .. !!

 Just yesterday I convinced myself to give him another chance,
A chance he didn't even ask for,
A chance he doesn't even deserve,
I'm dying within,
I'm bleeding in silent,
It was not just a sun or a moon signs ..
I regret ..
I hate ..
I surrender ..
Once again .. !!

 I don't belong here ..
I'm leaving,
I will leave,
I need to leave,
I need to forget about him,
About them all,
Everyone here,
Including myself,
Everyone will be erased from my memory,
My bad old hectic memory,
And he won't be there .. !!

 I mean,
He was the reason why I postponed my everything,
I decided to wait,
I waited ..
And waited ..
But he kept getting far,
FAR AWAY !

 Again ..
I'm just siting on my same desk,
On my same old laptop,
Weeping ,,
And making decisions,
Making plans,
Plans that both me,
And my laptop,
know it will only take place,
Between us,
In my head,
And my posts ..
Once again .. !!

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