Throughout A Life

Just like that, After all of this time, After all of these rules, After all of the resistance, The fights, Eventually, It's happening again .. !! I loved again, I'm crying again, I feel pain again, I don't know when or how, But I knew when it was over, I felt my heart break once again, I've been fooled one more time, After I thought I wont, After I stopped believing, After I stopped dreaming, After I stopped breathing, It's happening again .. !! I made someone special .. Again, Another man ruled in my life, Again .. And I agreed to be postponed, To be the one on his waiting list, And I don't even have a list, And his list kept going bigger and bigger .. Longer and longer .. With me going farther and farther, Again and again .. !! I feel sick .. My legs can barely hold me, But I've got to stand up, Even higher than before, I have to fake that I'm alive, Alive without a soul, I've to face the world One more time...

“If we can have different lives, with other chances, he would be my choice, for eternity”. That’s what I’ve been saying every time my heart ached for him, every time I felt regret. Maybe it’s just an excuse for me, but anyway it made me feel better at that time. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, or even posting it on my blog, I just needed to share.  He’s been my secret for a long time now, although few people knew the story, but no one ever knew it all. I wish if one day he could be something more than few words I scratch on my desk, or few letters in my passwords. But, nothing ever comes the way we want. He isn’t the best or the most handsome guy ever, but for me, and for everyone in my college, he is. He was my ideal version of men, and to be honest, everyone I ever knew after him, is someway a copy from him, but somehow a better copy that my parents would accept. He suddenly crashed into my life. I never knew him, but he knew me very well. I still remembe...