Throughout A Life

To all my beloved friends and family, One thousand apologies, With only a few days left for 2012, a year so far has been my favorite; I would like to send you a few gratitude words. I’m so thankful to have you all in my life, each and everyone of you, you make me feel blessed. I know my recent behaviors didn’t make me the best friend for most of you, and many of you stated this clearly that I’m changed, unfortunately, to the worst. I don’t ask more often like I used to be, I don’t reply messages and I NEVER call you back, in fact, I don’t call anyone at all –except those a few that I need them urgently to accomplish a task. I give so much promises that I cannot keep and I’m always busy, always busy specially on those special days for some of my special people, I was never there for them, just not available. The relationships I share with others are so sketched and rough. I know this might make you all feel that I don’t care, I know, I’m so sorry, but I do, I do care. And for...

I know you will forgive, Whatever I do wrong. I know that you will listen, To the tiniest problem that I have. I'm sorry, For everything I did. I'm so sorry, For ever broken dream I shred. I know you will hold me, When I feel so alone. I know you will be there, When I'm broken and forgotten. I'm sorry, I know I abuse the facts I'm so sorry, For crawling every time I need you. It's like I'm a stone, Cause I know you will come. It's like I'm a stone, But I can't stand alone. I'm so sorry, For abusing your kindness. One thousand punches, Wont give me what I deserve. I do not deserve this mercy, I do not deserve this at all. Why the angel fell for a demon, I will never understand. In my evil ways full of sins, You remind me. That every sinner has a future, And every saint has a past.

اَسـفـة فـهـل قـبـلـت إعـتـذارى ..؟؟ أقـدمـه عـلـى طـبـق مـن الـنـار أرجـوك سـامـحـنى ،، و لا تـحـزن فـلـم تـكـن يـومـاً إخـتـيـارى لـم أعـدك يـومـاً بـشـىء و لـم أفـعـل ... ؟؟ و هـو فـى روحـى و مـع دمـى جـارى لـم تـكـن نـظـراتـى مـوجـهـة إلـيـك و كـذا لـم تـكـن أشـعـارى لـم ألـمـس عـن قـصـد يـديـك لـم أقـصـد أن أبـتـسـم إلـيـك و لـم أكـتـب إلـيـك أسـرارى رجـاءً ... لا تـغـضـب فـحـبـه وحـده كـان قـرارى و لـم أر إسـمـك يـومـاً فـى خـارطـة حـيـاتـى .. و أقـدارى فـلا تـحـاول أن تـعـيـد مـا لـم يـكـن و قـصـة خـيـالـيـة سـئـمـتـهـا عـقـول الـصـغـار فـقـد أخـطـأت فـهـمـى لـم تـكـن يـومـاً حـلـمـى و خـلـفك قـد أسـدلـت أسـتـارى  

Welcome back, dear Rose .. Rose ?!! Are you still a rose ?? You no longer look like it does .. No more heaven like aromas tickling my nose .. You beautiful colours were stolen from you, I suppose .. What have they done to you, Rose ?? A long time dead creature .. as I check you up close .. Ready to be blown away with the slightest decision they choose .. Eventually, it was always you .. the one who loose ... !!! Why .. Why did you let them pick you up ?? How come you never asked them to stop ?? Did they give you images of freedom .. and illusions of hope ?? And what makes you buy what they sell on their dirty shop ?? How could you let them play you hard .. and leave you messed up ?? Rose, I'm very disappointed on you .. I never thought you will be like what you turned into .. To let whoever use your heart and step over you .. To let them use your soul and then burn it when they are through .. That's the last thing I ever expected from you .. ...

I don't know .. I don't even have a clue .. What makes me staying awake till this late time at night .. Feeling so good .. Just thinking of him .. WHO IS HE ?? I don't even have a clue .. Maybe what I know about him can't even cause half of what I'm feeling for him .. I do feel like I've knowen him for a long time now .. Like it's been ages .. And his smell never left the place .. I see him, smell him everywhere .. Everytime I rememebr his bright smile .. My everything changes to brightness .. He is like a red fresh rose in my lifes garden .. Spreading joy to everything and everyone around it .. It's aroma filling my space .. and my heart .. He's like a red rose .. That I will never pick off my garden .. I will always keep it in place .. For me only .. !!!

No .. He doesn't have to stay in my life. I got the right to move on, He got the right to fly. After all of these years.. It’s not his fault that my dreams faded away.. Or that my highway got crossed with obstacles.. It’s not his fault, If my heart decided to reread an old chapter.. When he was once my hero, And destiny was the enemy. It’s not his fault that time dragged us along. And threw us in the middle of no where. It's not his fault that I was the one that got lost. I was the one that couldn't find her way back home, And he was the one that made it .. alone. It's not his fault that my life corridor was dark, And I was alone and scared. It's definitely not his fault that the candles I chose to light my way, Were the same exact ones that burned me, And burned me deep. And tonight, It's not his fault that t ime changed its mind, And decided to take me back.. Dragging me alone.. Stepping over my broken heart, Over my ...

"I love you" You whispered .. And I smiled .. We are happy .. We never pretended to be .. We are truly happy .. Our smiles never faded away .. We are always together .. Hugging or holding hands .. Even when some circumstances force us to separate .. We keep thinking of each other .. Seeing each other in every single face we meet .. Wishing if the other could be here .. He / she would love to see this or do that .. And we can’t wait till we are together again , To tell all the details we experienced while we were apart .. Promising, we will never do that again .. !! We traveled the whole wide world .. We had adventures together .. We have kids .. A lot of them .. Everytime I notice a new face that I’ve never realized before .. But all have your eyes, your big brown eyes .. Your black hair .. Your African features .. My smile .. Your childish soul .. And my face .. !! We enjoy the intimacy of being together .. Me taking care of our kids, While yo...

Are you sure what to do? The choice is yours in the end. To take it into your hands, You emotions, Feelings. Life can be hard for most. The hardest challenge is life itself. You are buried so deep you feel lost. You think what would it be like? Realizing all the things you do. Everything that causes pain and grief. Annoyance and anguish. The relationships you share with others, Are sketched and rough. You think, What would it be like, If the source vanished. Suddenly being taken away from its victims. Creating scenarios and environments, Where everything changed. Would they be sad? Would they be relieved? Would their hearts ache with sorrow? Or would they shrug it off in a week? You imagine your friends and loved ones. Acting with either emotions. They could take it harshly and cry for hours on end. Or admit it’s a tragedy and move on with their lives. But its not always their choice. The choice is yours as well. Your choice, Affects the choices of others. If you choose to stay, They c...

I’ve been postponing everything, I know, I’ve been postponing every little thing, And All the important things, I’ve been delaying them to whenever, And it happens that “whenever” never comes.                 I’m postponing my tomorrow,                 Till I’m fed up of yesterday.                 I’m postponing my happiness,                 Till I’m done crying.                 I’m postponing my tears,                 Till I find the source of my pain.         ...

Today , I took my decision .. I will stop waiting, I have no more time to waste, Counting the clock ticks and tocks, Watching seasons come and go, I will start walking on my life path, But, I will never stop hoping. Hoping to run into you someway in the middle, Someway over that corner, Or maybe, just maybe .. Somewhere before the end.

تـسـألـنـى كـيـفـن بـذكـرك ؟؟؟ وأنـا الـعـمـرى مـا يـومـاً نـسـيـت كـأنـو الـقـلـيـب واقـف قـدام الـبـاب .. يـنـطـرك ويـقـول تـرانـى إمـكـن أنـا الـمـاجـيـت سـنـيـنـاً تـفـوت وعـذر ورا عـذر كـايـسـاهـو لـيـك وحـبـاً زايـد مـا بـيـمـوت فـى عـيـونـى ديـمـه حـافـظـاهـو لـيـك وراجـيـة الـغـروب فـى كـل زاويـة إشـارة إنـك يـوم حـتـعـود لازمـاً وجـوب ومـا مـهـم كـم يـوم يـعـدى .... بـاكـر مـوجـود بـاكر حـنـمـلا الـبـيـت حـنـيـن وشـافـعـاً صـغـيـر فـيو يـجـوط بـاكـر نـعـوض فـرقـة سـنـيـن ولـمـتـنـا ديـك بـاكـر تـعـود نـاجـيـت الـقـمـرة والـنـجـمة سـألـت عـلـيـك كـل الـوجـود فـتـشـت عـلـيـك فـى الـزحـمـة ضـهـبـنـى الـزمـن .. وتـشـابـه وجـوه ومـالـو لـو مـابـتـسـأل .. ومـابـتـرسـل عـاذراك وأكـيـد الـعـذر مـوجـود نـاطـراك والـسـكـة بـتـوصـل ونـاطـرة يـومـاً فـيـو نـعـود

Tonight, I believe it's over.. Tonight, I'm letting you go, my lover!! Although, I really don't know what to do.. Or even have a clue.. I will be forced to stand and watch that view.. Watching her stealing the heart of you..!! And I will let her know.. That tonight, I will let you go..!! These hopes and dreams will be buried deep with you.. With a box of your memories, And all the things you used to do.. But, I have to.. Have to let you go..!! I ran out of fake smiles.. Ran out of true tears.. My heart is tired of running all of these miles.. To face the only thing it fears.. I can't charge your happiness no more.. No knocks to offer for your door.. But I, Will call the light to die.. Digging all the way to death.. Will Make a billion lie.. Turn my soul to mess.. Can't you see ?? You are the power source for me.. And I will choose to fly.. Talking you out of my sky.. I'm daring my weakness to choose.. You, or life to loose ..?!! And I have to say goodbye.. Befor...

After all those years that passed us through .. After all these promises you made me do .. After all these roads that took me away .. Teaching myself how to hate you, everyday .. Living with pain and regret, that I can’t even say .. Everything, just everything ……… Eventually, Lead me back to you !!! Although.. Deep inside, I always knew .. That will never find better than you .. But, I promised to let go .. I promised never ever believing in you .. And I flew .. The darkest clouds, I managed through .. Broke all the chains that connected me to you .. Though it was hard forcing myself to, But I walked a life … Without you !! But I never knew.. With every tear drop or a mistake I do .. Something brings me back to you !! I was lucky .. So lucky for true .. Finding you whenever I needed you .. Offering me a shoulder to lean to .. A hand to hold on to .. Borrowing me a smile .. When I ran off some too .. Just being there ,, was so nice of you ! I knew .. I will never...

You gotta move on … You have to be strong … Tonight … you maybe alone … But, there’s tomorrow … Sure … there’s always tomorrow … When a new day sun rise … Then, you will realize … You made it … To the new world … You made it … Taking your own road … To a new better day … So, you just got to push that thought away … And fall asleep … Yes, so sweet and so deep … Don’t be afraid … You might see some nightmares instead … But you should always believe … That those bad moments … will surly leave !!! It won’t happen overnight … But after a while you will see the light … And then you will realize it’s all gone … With no more tears to be shown !!!

Coincidence, lead me to you .. Destiny, showed us what to do .. And I liked … Liked the way you appeared … From nowhere … Daring anything I’ve feared … So angel like .. is it a disguise ?? You’re not like the other guys … Just being who you’re … You filled every empty box in my dreams bar … I’m really thankful for having you … Making every single wish I had come true … !!! But .. You didn’t know … I’m full of scars that I cannot show … So drunk from my mistake … Giving some promises that I cannot make … And they promised to never cause me pain … How could I let this happen to me again ??? Something held me away in that star … I swore myself, will never let it get that far … They killed my trust child … Taught me how to push my heart aside … How to act like alive … Most of all, they taught me how to hate life !!! I just wanted to leave … Falling down like the last autumn leaf … And before I reached the floor … Your hands pulled me to the happiness store !!! Thank Allah for sending you n...

And again .. NO !!!!!!!! This time I will let go … It’s time to say STOP … Nothing is going the way I hope … I need to say ENOUGH … I’m done falling in love … I won’t trust anyone … No one can take me for fun … And NO !!! No, this is just ain’t for me .. I deserve better … better has to be … Will never answer that call … No more tear drops will fall … I’M DONE !! I’m not giving my trust to someone who’ll soon run … NO, I will walk alone a mile … Finding a million reasons to smile … Will never look back again … Will never have a chain … If I could stand up and scream “NO” high … I know it will reach the sky … I will be the greatest single soul … If I could say “NO” ….. After all !!!!