Throughout A Life

Today, after all that has been happening .. I just felt like writing .. Finally, I had that same old feeling which usually led me to my notebook .. I don't know what to write about or where to start .. I don't even know where or how this supposed to end like .. But I just feel like writing .. I just felt like lighting my favorite orange light that suits my writing mood .. and now, I need to let it all out .. ! At some point, looking around, I already know why it been a while since I last talked about how I really feel .. papers used to be my only listener, or let's just say the only thing I ever trust with my thoughts and feelings .. But recently, I've had sooooo much going on, that made me think I need someone to answer my confused questions, someone just to take my hand and tell me to jump over the fence, my own imaginary fence, the one that keeps me away, talking to my papers .. and only papers, wishing if they could tell me to jump, or to wipe that tear .. But, I ne

IM CHANGed ... Look at me, I'm writing a poem here .. You have changed me, that’s why I fear .. I am afraid of what I will be .. When I know I am another me .. You made me how I am today .. What am I when you are away ? Will I turn into the girl I used to be ? Or will I be another me ? I don’t want to change cause this is the real me .. Keep me from the misery .. Stay close, don’t let me fall .. Cause you’re the one, the best of all .. I must say you are the only one that saw the real me .. I wasn’t afraid to show you how I can be .. You saw every good and bad .. And it didn’t make you mad .. You understood all the things I have done .. That’s why you are THE ONE.

Today , was when I celebrated loosing you .. I greeted myself over and over , for no more you .. I couldn't believe that its true .. Till today , when I woke up realizing I stopped missing you .. Today , was when I woke up late as everyday .. And rushed everything till I'm on my way .. I didn't realize that you didn't cross my mind .. There were no symptoms of a broken heart you could find .. Today , was when I walked with a huge smile on my face .. I was feeling so high more than usual , thinking what a grace .. I managed to attend all my calsses and even pay my attention .. Everything was so good .. For a better inception .. Today , I was so proud of me .. Everything seemed to be so perfect for this time to be .. Realizing months have gone by .. And I barely remember you , I barely cry .. Today , was when I knew the meaning of forever .. The meaning of needing you forever .. I knew the meaning of being helpless and strong .. Is it legal to erase you from my memory whe

Listen, just for a few minutes.. Take a few deep breaths [even if you don't want to breathe anymore]. Listen to the pitter-patter of your heart beating in your ears and feel your pulse racing. Taste the silence of the world, see the anxiety take over you. Close your eyes and look at the black. Look at the black until you see something worth holding onto inside of yourself. Wait until breathing doesn't feel like a losing game and then open your eyes ... And listen. . Look, You .. Are wonderful. You remind me of a song in winter, sung like a secret not meant for anyone to know, but it's a shame, because you're one of the most beautiful songs. Maybe you're fireworks that sparkle and light up the july sky, but unlike fireworks, you'll keep glowing into forever. Or maybe you’re just you, and that’s more than enough. I know there's magic in the world. [you're proof.] . I'd give you a rainbow if it erased the gray days, I'd give you a mirror if it made

How could you say goodbye to someone , Who means the world to you .. ?? I didn’t .. I just walked away .. !!! But , it did hurt me .. It hurted me so much for the fact that it didn’t hurt me at all .. I felt nothing .. Weird enough I didn’t even cry .. I wondered , I used to miss you every single moment , in everyday .. I just wondered how could I walk a life without you .. !!! It crossed my mind .. I remembered when you promised to be my hero .. And to watch sunset together .. You promised to always be by my side .. And I promised to wait … !!! Then I laughed .. Oh , I laughed so hard .. Realizing that I never managed to see you for real .. Baby , we never met .. We never touched .. You never saw my favorite dress , Never smelled my favorite perfume , Never saw the way I walk , or how I talk , Never even touched my hair .. I used to ask myself every night .. “How does he smell ?” “How does it feel to be next to him ?” “How does it feel to hold his hand

الـحـزن مـلا كـل شــى أســأل دمـعــة نـازلـة عـلـى وشـى و ذكـريـات ذابـلـة رافـضـة بـعـدك تـنـمـحـى أشــواقـا نـيـرانـا قـربـت تـنـطـفـى مـشــوار ســراب مـكـتــوب عـلـى أحــلامـى بـعـدك يـنـمـشـى و يــا كـل شـى كــيـفـن صـبـحـت فـجـأة ولا أى شـى .. ؟؟ و الـحـزن بـقـى فـى كـل شــى ************ غـطـى الـسـواد كـل الـنـواصـى و الـزقـايـق و الـبـيـوت يـا نـسـمـة فـى عـز الـهـجـيـر يـا ضـحـكـة الـطـفـل الـصـغـيـر يـا شـمـعـة ضـاويـة .. فـى لـيـلـة الـيـوم الأخـيـر كــيــفــن تــفــوت .. ؟؟ كـيـفـن تـخـلـى حـكـاوبـنـا ديـك بـاكـر تـمـوت .. ؟؟ و لـــيــه تـمـوت .. ؟؟ و يــنــا الـوعـود .. ؟؟ لـيـه حـرمـتـنـا مـن يــومـا تـقـرر فـيـو نـعـود .. ؟؟ يـا شـمـس دافـيـة لـمـا الـكـون اتـمـلا بـالـبـرود لــيــه الـصـدود .. ؟؟ بـعـدك الـخـوف بـيـن كـل فـرحـة بـانـى الـسـدود و الـحـزن مـا لـيـو حـدود

I promised myself I will never cry , If you left me .. I promised I will never ask why , Or try to make us be .. When my well is near to dry , We’re there in the deep sea … !!! And I promised .. Promised I will move on , If you left me behind .. But that didn’t turn out so well , As hard as I tried … !!! I once swore to never fall in love , And to protect my heart , never be blind .. But I broke my promise , And fell for you .. Life was perfect , You were too indifferent , I opened my heart for you .. And when you left me , You let me spill all over the floor , Breaking every good thing in me .. Watching you walk out of my door … !!! But … I didn’t cry , I felt nothing at all , Nothing could save me from my die .. No one could catch me from my fall ... !!! I was determined to keep my last promise .. Then , after a while , I broke down .. After I closed your file , I finally did cry .. I cried so much .. But , I swore my self .. Never again to fall in love .. But , like all my previous

مـا قـلـت لـى بـرجـع و أعـود تـاريـك مـا عـنـدك وعـود و رجـيـت رجـوعـك كـل لـحـظـة حـبـك انـت عـزفـتـو عـود فـارقـت فـى أصـعـب زمـن خـلـيـتـنـى فـى غـربـة وجـود عـارفـة مـا حـالـقـاك تـانـى و الـقـدر يـبـنـى الـسـدود هــــوى , أحـسـن فـراقـك مـن رجـوعـك بـس كـان واجـب عـلـيـك تـوفـى الـكـلام مـا كـنـت تـخـلـف للـمـيـعـاد فـى بـعـادك مـا ح أشـقـى لا بـمـشـى فـى سـكـة حـداد بـس بـعـدك الـدنـيـا صـبـحـت , مـلـيـانـة سـواد مـا قـلـت راجـع أصـلـو بـشـقـيـك الـفـراق و برضـو قـادر تـسـيـبـنـا و هـان عـلـيـك يـوم الـوداع بـس تـصـدق ... ؟؟ انـى نـسـيـتـك أوعـى أوعـى تـرجـع أو تـعـود و يـوم طـريـتـك الـذكـرى كـانـت بـــــــــس وعــــــــود

Paper birds and paper promises Both fly away some time ... Breaking glass cages ... And breaking my stone heart ... Please be careful. Because my ribs are cracking and my hair is fraying.. I don't like to be left alone ... When my lips are trying because my arms stop holding.. I'm as fragile as my bones ... Water crashes around me .. And flows in through my ears .. My skull fills up with sea .. And out come all my fears .. Crying girl he makes me obvious .. Words walk their legs away .. Crushing small pieces .. Taking all my thoughts apart .. Cigarette smoke rises and coils .. Blocks your face from me .. Anyone can look at us .. And see cracks in between ... !!! * * * Don't listen ... Don't listen to what I say ... It makes no difference if you do , It won't matter anyway ... Everything I say and do , Is done to cause you pain ... But you don't seem to get it , You just choose to remain ... I am breaking promises !!! To you all over again I leave behind

I've dialed your number , Half a thousand times ... Hoping just to hear your voice , On the other end of the line ... I never had the courage , To finally make that call ... I've been missing you so much , Have you been missing me at all ... ??!! I need you here now , More than ever before ... Cause if you're not by my side , Then tell me what is worth living for ... ??? I never had the courage , To tell you how I feel ... But , honestly I've always loved you , And promise I always will ... You took your time , Answering me that night ... And every second wasted , I'm here holding on for life ... And With every breath I take , I pray you're fine ... That I'm the girl , You can get of your mind .... !!!

When All The Clouds Darken Up ... The SkyWay ... There's a RainBow HighWay , To Be Found ... Leading From your WindowPane ... Just a Step Beyond The Rain ... SomeWhere Over The RainBow Way ... Up High , There's a Land ... That I Heard Of Once , In a Lullaby ... SomeWhere Over The RainBow ... Skies Are Blue ... And The Dreams , That You Dare To Dream , Really Do Come True ... SomeDay , I 'll Wish Upon a Star ... And Wake Up , Where The Clouds Are Far Behind Me , Yes , So Far ... Where Troubles Melt Like Lemon Drops ... Away Above , The Chimney Tops ... That's Where You 'll Find Me ... SomeWhere , Over The RainBow , Pink Birds Fly ... Over The RainBow ... Then WHY .. ?? OH , Oh Why Why Can't I .. ???!!! If Happy LittLe Pink Birds Fly , Beyond The RainBow ... Why , Oh Why , Can't I .... ???

I just realized there'll be no more you .. It's really weird how I could let go .. I'm trying to force myself to forget .. A broken pride feel , that you 'll never get ... Hoping time 'll give me , a better day ... When I finally drink all your memories away ... !!! There's so much that I didn't say .. And how am I supposed to stay .. ???!!!!!!!! When you already choosed your way .. !! My hero , you were always that far away ... !!! But , Re-thinking my decision again and again ... Counting my total lost , including the pain .. Trying to heal my pain a little at a time .. But , never could get that picture of my mind .. I really found myself the looser of this game .. There's so many gabs in my life , were filled by your name ... !!! WHO ... ?!! Who 'll ever replace you .. ?? Who can show me what to do .. ?? Who can give me courage to go through .. ?? Just Who , Who and who .. ??!!! Who 'll be with me with no delay .. ?? Who 'll love to hear

If words are all we have to express how we feel .. Then I’ll give you every single word in this world I’ll say it in every language , every way But I’m so confused.. I don’t know what can I say about you.. Want to tell the whole world who is the man I choose.. But , got no words to say it true.. No words can tell how great you’re .. Or how much you care.. Although you’re so far , You make me feel like you’re so near.. BaBy , I’ve got no words to say it the way it should.. I’ve got no words to express me right.. I tried so hard and even if I could.. There’s no words that can tell you my delight.. You , You just appeared from nowhere.. And flipped my life all over.. Wish if I can tell you how much I care.. And always be your only lover.. But , Still wish if I could tell you exactly how I feel.. You mean the whole world to me , can you see ? I can’t believe that I got You for real.. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.. If I could tell you how much my life has changed.. And how

انـــا لــو بـــقــول اشــتــقــت لــيــك مــا أظــن قــلــت الــجــديـــد شــوقــى ظــاهــر فــى الــعــيــون , قــايـــلاهـــو لـــيـــك بـــس بـــقــول ... احــتـــجـــتــك شــديـــد احــتـــجـــتـــك مـــع نـــســـمـــة صـــبـــاح مـــرت عـــلـــى احــتـــجـــتـــك مـــع كـــلــمــة وداع بـــكــت عــيــنـــى احــتـــجـــتـــك فـــى لـــحــظــة فـــرح نـــســـتـــنـــى الـــعــــلـــى احــتـــجـــتـــك تـــمـــلا الــــفـــراغ الـــســـبـــتـــو لـــى بـــس دا الـــقـــدر عـــمـــرو يــا روح الــقــلــيــب شـــوقـــى لــــيـــك انـــا مــا فــــتـــر لـــســه الـــحــنــيـــن بــعـــزف الـــحـــان بـــكــاهـــو عــلــى الـــوتــر عــمــرهــا الــعــيــون مــا نـــشــفــت و دمــعــهــا دوم مــنــهــمــر شــان بــس شــوفــتــك .. شــوفــتــا تــكــســر الــحــجــر فــتـــشــتــك فــتـــشــتــك فــى ســاعــة الــمــغــيــب ســألــنــى شــافــع فـــى الـــزقــاق " كــــيــفـــن يــــغـــيـــب " ؟؟ قــلــتــلــو الـــغــيــاب اخـــرو قـــريـــب زى مــا الأيــــام بـــتـــاخــد

I used to care .. You used to care a lot .. I thought if this ever happened , I won’t bear .. But now I realized that … I don’t … !!! It doesn’t matter if you didn’t call .. Or even text me while am sick .. It doesn’t matter if you disappeared at all .. Or didn’t realize that am wearing pink .. It doesn’t matter if I ever slept before I hear your voice .. And without you wishing me a good night .. Baby , it doesn’t matter if I stayed calm or made a noise .. Cause either ways it ‘ll seem alright ... !!! Sure , it doesn’t matter if you changed .. And tried to fight it , to look the same .. Boy , believe me it won’t really feel strange .. If you couldn’t remember my name … !!! It wont matter if I didn’t feel your touch .. Or you didn’t care .. Doesn’t matter if I missed you so much .. And couldn’t break my stare … !!! Really , it won’t matter if I couldn’t see you to follow .. Or if my heart broke , and my body sour .. It only ‘ll really matter , if I woke up tomorrow .. To find you’re n

أوتــعــلــمــون ... ؟؟ لـقـد أوصـلـنـى حـد الـجـنـون هـو مـن أدمـى هـذا الـقـلـب .. و أبـكـى تـلـك الـعـيـون لـقـد ... لـقـد جـعـلـنى أتـرك الـكـتـابـة و لـم أسـتـطـع .. فـقـد تـركـت الـنـشـر .. لأنـى أهـابـه فـقـط .. لأنـه يـراهـا كـلـمـات مـعـابـة و لأنـى أخـــاف أخـاف أن يـقـرأ مـرة مـا خـشـيـت أن يـدرى أن يـحـس مـرة بـكـلـمـات ظـلـت حـبـيـسـة صـدرى أن يـفـهـم أنـه هـا هـنـا كـنـت تـعـيـسـة .. و هـنـا كـنـت أبـكـى أن يـقـرأ شـكـواى .. و هـو لـم يـسـمـعـنـى مـرة أشـكـى فـيـضـحـك .. و يـقـهـقـه .. لـتـفـاهـة مـا كـتـبـت أو أن يـزمـجـر غـاضـبـا ... و يـمـزق مـا فـيـه تـعـبـت أن يـعـلـم كـم كـنـت أحـبه فـيـظـنـنـى ضـعـيـفـة و أن يـشـعـر كـم كـنـت و لا زلـت أحـتـاجـه فـيـقـول سـخـيـفـة ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ هـل أخـبـرتـكـم كـم كـنـت أقـلـق عـلـيـه كـنـت أخـاف عـلـيـه مـن شـىء ... و مـن لا شـىء و لـكــــــنـى كـنـت أشـعـر بـاقـتـراب يـوم بـعـده عـنـى فـلـم تـرانـى حـزيـنـة بـعـد أن صـدق ظـنـى اه كـم كـنـت أراه جـمـيـلا ... و كـم قـد تـغـيـر كـم كـا